KUMA: SpiritSpace - Spirituality & Sexuality

by
B J

"Our spirituality is our opening to one another
as whole human being, each different and precious,
and our exploring how we can truly learn to love.
(Jean Grasso Fitzpatrick)

I grew up in a household that advocated putting God first in every aspect of our lives, and my"Southern Baptist" parents demanded, without fail, that my hind parts be in church every Sundayand also on Wednesday's for prayer meeting. That, of course, wasn't all or enough. I had to bean active participant. Even though there were times when I just didn't feel like going or"participating", their faithfulness in making sure that I was present and accounted for instilled inme a very deep appreciation for the Creator. As I grew older, no longer was there a need for, "ifyou don't get your butt up and be ready to walk out that door when I do I will..." It be- came mypersonal joy to be there and hear about the wonderful things the Creator had done for my benefit. I anticipated hearing the speaker expound on scriptures captured from the Bible. The Bible wasthen, and still is, to me, a wonderful gift of love, provided as a means of communicating Histhoughts and wisdom with all living beings. It seemed that the more I explored His word, themore convinced I became of His love for me as a special, unique and spiritual woman.

Throughout my childhood, I dealt with the warring that went on in my mind and body too. Inoticed that I was "different" at a very young age. In fact, I can vividly remember, as anelementary school aged child, serenading my best friend (a girl) in the school playground with myplay guitar (a little bit of Elvis, if you will), and then quickly stealing a kiss. No, I didn't give anythought to it then, as to whether or not it was wrong. Nor did I, in my childlike innocence, thinkthat it was a prelude to who I am now. All I know was that I liked girls instead of boys.

While in Junior and Senior High School, I began a serious exploration of two things: my sexualityand true religion. I wanted to fully understand why I had different desires than did my best femalefriends. I also wanted to understand how a God of love could be prejudiced in who He showeredhis blessings on, just because a person chose a different life's course, as was the teaching of manyreligions. As a result of my exploration, I became clearer in my understanding of my sexualpreference and the beauty in loving another being, a woman. This journey has also helped me todistinguish between the right and wrong of my preference. It is right, and my right, to choose tolive the lifestyle that gives me peace within and allows me to be whole. It is wrong for me to live alie as someone I am not, just because many in organized religion say that my sexuality is anabomination and a sin.

This journey has taught me that my sexual preference does not have to interfere with the deep andfulfilling relationship I share with my Creator, because my spirituality lies within my being. Thebeing that is adorned with many wonderful and beautiful things. Things like my thoughts, talents,values, beliefs and individuality. Things like my love for people and my contributions to thebetterment of my community.

The day I came out to my mother was most challenging because she took issue with mypreference being a violation of God's law, and found it very hard to grasp how "this" couldhappen. My final release of any misconceptions I may have had about my relationship with Godcame that day as I courageously and lovingly shared my life with her. As she cried and shook herhead in disbelief, I told her with the strongest conviction I had ever had in my life, of my faith inthe God of love to judge me on the basis of what is in my heart, and not on the basis of the who isin my bed.

Yes, I now live life to the fullest with the absolute assurance that I am all right with God just theway I am. Sure, I have my imperfections and flaws, but am, as many are, seeking to improvemyself each and everyday. A true blessing it is, also, to join others, like myself, at theMetropolitan Community Church in honor and worship of the Creator. When I enter those walls,I am embraced with His love through the arms of those, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered andwhomever else, who don't go there to judge, just to grow spiritually. I thank God for who I amand I'm just me.