For Stacey_____by Lovelybrown
I'm too strong to be this weak
But you have this amazing power over me
And I'm defeated
Before I even get the strength to fight
and as much as I try to deny this feeling
I can't seem to get it right
The truth is
I haven't been the same since… the first time ever I saw your face
And you held me in your embracing arms
Now I'm alarmed
At the fact that after your ex and my ex
and misplaced feelings and distorted emotions
I am still feeling you
Feeling me with devotion
But you can't fill that void
that was created the first time we separated
and I hate the fact that my mouth jump started these emotions
that I had managed to keep under wraps for so long.
Now we're engulfed in some bottomless ocean
Drifting
Sifting
through the ravished ships of relations
Hesitation
Depreciation
Old sensations
Empty promises
Unfulfilled
I can't feel those actions
Though thoughts of us in a picture perfect future used to bring me satisfaction
Now I have to harvest my tears
Numb my pain
Suppress my anger and frustration
Cause loving you is bitter like coffee sweetened
At times I HAVE to retreat
and
I get so weak
But I'm too strong to feel like this
Now listen…don't get me wrong
it's not like I'm trying to purge myself of these feelings
But I just can't keep feeling like this
I keep thinking "Maybe come one day"
Wanting to have your baby
Sounds crazy?
Feeling like your lady
But we never seem to be on the same page
copy fades
and the storyline is no longer as concrete as it used to be
But damn
It's for you I breathed
Even when you was with someone else
And I was with someone else
And we placed our seeds of "what ifs" on the shelf
Loving you gave me so much wealth
Now I feel impoverished and torn down
Or rather broken down again
Remaining your friend
Remaining
Carrying that chain /chain/chain
It's true
I still do feel YOU
and I want to be the one to wear your ring, take your last name and ease your pain
Cause not even death can make me part with you
But I gotta do what I gotta do
Even if that means planning a future for me
Without you
Moving past your ideal of being a family with me as your wife
And our future kids
I push forward steadily trying to live in the present
My friends say you and I have this sick obsession
But in every emotion I learned a lesson
And I do need you…
But I also need you to grow up
And I know you need my trust
But baby can you just
this once... push your pride and fears away
I told you I would never walk away
And though I am satisfied with what we have here
At this moment
At times it feels like it's stolen
How deep is my love?
You have no comprehension
Not to mention
Your intervention is what I need
Before I go off and conquer the world and become a
"world renowned, diva, poetic justice, PhD in Urban Philosophy, Independent Lady with three degrees"
All the riches in the world will never compete with the love that you give
Cause you taught me how to live
And without you all the wealth in the world don't mean shit
And no I'm not co-dependent
I just recognize those who were heaven sent
And baby I'm bent
And my mansion and villa won't be a home without you
Hell, I can't even comprehend commitment without you
But damn
I'm too strong to be this weak
But the way that you love me
The way that you love me
Is deep
Makes me believe
see so many possibilities
And take chances on circumstances that in any other situation would be labeled abnormal and unhealthy
We never had the chance to be (just you and me)
But best believe you're the only factor that can make my equation complete
And speaking of love has no real validity without the mention of your name
And I only have my heart to blame
Loving you is a gift and a curse that I can't explain
Love has no pride
Still after all these years I feel the same
Damn…I'm too strong to be this weak.
