by
Michelle Bonluv
Karra woke to the sound of Sherry snoring loudly, and an urgent need to pee. She carefully slipped out of bed and went to the bathroom. She realized that she hadn’t used the bathroom all night, as a heavy stream of urine trickled into the toilet relieving her aching bladder. She sat staring at herself in the full length mirror behind the door as the images of last nights events drifted into her head. Sherry had fulfilled almost every sexual fantasy that she had ever had. She knew Sherry was some one she could really fall for, although somewhat mysterious and distant she possessed a strength and warmth that was overwhelming to her senses. There was definitely some thing special about her she thought. Her roughneck exterior was deceiving, underneath she sensed Sherry was very sensitive and caring. Her image; like that of a lot of butch women was one thing, but her true nature was another. That was one of the things that Karra loved about butch women. She found it titillating to watch the mask of masculinity that some of them wore so proudly, come off in the heat of lovemaking or melt away during a romantic candlelit dinner.

She felt her heart warm at the thought of sharing such moments with Sherry, with that thought her heart suddenly sunk. She knew that it wasn’t a good idea to think that far ahead, after all it hadn’t even been established that this would be more than a one night stand. Besides that, Sherry wasn’t the only one who had been nursing a broken heart. It had been nearly eighteen months since she had broken up with Sheila. The thought of opening up to some one on more than a sexual level was something she was not sure that she was ready for. She had been out on a few dates before leaving Atlanta, and one disastrous blind date set up by her cousin when she got to New York two months ago. Since her break up she had only slept with one woman besides Sherry. Her name was Heather and she had been after her since her sophomore year at Morgan State. Karra reviewed this encounter and reminded herself of how superficial and totally unsatisfying the experience had been. The only reason she’d even allowed it to go that far was to alleviate her sexual needs. After her devastating breakup with Sheila she was unable to allow anyone into her heart.

Sheila Raison was Karra’s English literature professor for the second semester of her freshman year, and her first true love. Sheila was the most intelligent, exciting, and beautiful person Karra had ever known. She fell in love with her the moment she saw her. Sheila was a brilliant scholar and a talented novelist, and Karra totally impressed, bought into the package immediately. She volunteered to help her type her manuscripts, and made herself available for any extra help she could offer. Soon she was going to her apartment to help her grade papers. Sheila was out and made no excuses about her lifestyle, and was known to enjoy the company of many curious young coeds. She was a popular and visible fixture in the lesbian community in Atlanta. She was an advocate for gay and lesbian rights, and was gaining a high profile in the gay political arena. Karra fell in love with her charming good looks, charisma, and strong personality.

For Karra’s sophomore and junior year she was Sheila’s constant companion and lover. This was Karra’s first grown up relationship. Sheila treated her like a princess and she loved being with her. Sheila spent much of her time writing, teaching and lecturing, so when they were able to spend time together Karra did everything to make their time worthwhile. Their lovemaking was fantastic, and Karra found herself making plans to spend her life making this woman. Sheila became her mentor, confidant, and best friend. She helped Karra get the courage to come out to her family and stand up for herself. Sheila was very firm about Karra keeping up good grades in school, and Karra still credits her strong grade point average to Sheila’s constant nagging about goals and discipline. Karra wanted desperately to move into Sheila’s apartment and set up house, but this was something that Sheila frowned on since she felt that it was best that Karra had her own space and she maintained her own space. Throughout their two year relationship Karra continued to pursue a commitment, but Sheila was firmly set against anything permanent. She sighted their age difference which was fifteen years and Karra’s lack of life experience. Sheila would often tease her telling her that she was too old for her, and that a day would come when they would have to part. Karra balked at the thought; telling her that age was just a number and love was timeless. The relationship with Sheila was the sweetest thing Karra had ever known.


When Sheila ended the relationship in the beginning of Karra’s senior year , telling her that they were at different crossroads, and not right for each other, Karra was devastated. Karra did not believe that Sheila’s reasons were as simple as that, she felt there was someone else. She remembered walking in a rain storm aimlessly, crying and talking to herself for hours. She remembered making a fool of herself at one of Sheila’s seminars, accusing her of an affair with one of her colleagues ranting and raving in a fit of rage. That antic almost cost her expulsion from Morgan State, and her sanity. Sheila’s close relationship with the administrative faculty, and Karra’s excellent student record saved her from that disgrace. Sheila was able to convince the dean that Karra was under a great deal of stress and had not taken the break up very well. Sheila had to promise to keep her affairs more discreet, and refrain from dating students on campus and spare the school anymore public embarrassment.

Karra took a semester off and went home to her parents’ house in Decatur. She spent the first month in bed sleeping, crying and eating Entamens cakes and Hagen Daz. When she realized that she had added nearly twenty pounds to her usually petite frame she took action and began working out, running every morning and meditating at night. Some how she found the strength to survive the breakup blues, and slowly pulled her life back together. She started working at her father’s insurance company to keep her self busy and to help her forget the humiliation of the whole ugly mess.


When she returned to Morgan that fall her worst fear was realized. She had hoped that she could completely avoid any contact with Sheila, and did her best to schedule her few classes at times when she was sure Sheila would not be on campus. Karra had also hoped that she could avoid the rumor mill, and not hear about who Sheila was dating or if she was dating anyone, by distancing herself from all of her lesbian friends. She even thought she might try to date a few guys. Maybe she wasn’t gay after all, and the whole affair was just a bad experience that she could put behind her. Loving a woman was just too complicated she decided.


She had only been back at Morgan for two weeks when she ran into Heather at the supermarket. Heather was an aggressive fem, who had always made it clear that she had designs on Karra. Heather made no excuses for her bold moves. She considered herself a part of the chic new breed of nineties lesbians. No roles no rules was her motto, lipstick high heels, monster weaves and mini skirts, the works. She pursued Karra throughout her relationship with Sheila and often showed little respect for the fact that Karra considered herself a married woman. Her elitist attitude and garish clothing turned Karra off from day one. Besides that Karra had never found feminine woman as sexually attractive, she loved the contrast of the Butch Fem dynamic and considered herself an old school lesbian. Being a part of the new chic lesbian trend did not interest her one bit. Karra saw herself making a home and a life with one woman. Maybe having a child and setting up house, husband and wife, only her husband would be a strong masculine female instead of a man. She did not like the lover switching chaos that some of the so called lipstick lesbians indulged in. She frowned on the lack of respect and promiscuity that she had seen a lot of them involve with. Karra felt it was caused by the lack of structure and confusion, and their inability to choose a leader in their relationships. Sheila had always said that someone has to take a leadership role in any relationship or there will be chaos and Karra agreed.


“Karra!...” Heather called from the checkout line “ I thought that was you, What’s up sista”... “ Hey Heather..”

“ I’m just about done, but I’ll wait for you in the parking lot so we can catch up”... Damn she thought to herself I don’t want to be bothered with Heather’s bull shit today I’m not in the mood. “Well I just got started; I might be awhile I’ll probably catch you a little later on,”... “That’s ool I have time I’ll wait for you Hon!..” Heather was not going to take no for an answer as usual.

Karra took her time in the supermarket hoping Heather would leave and spare her the lengthy catching up conversation. When Karra stepped into the parking lot she saw Heather sitting on the hood of her car waiting for her. “ Do you have a ride, I can run you over to your house if you need a lift, honey..”

“ No thanks. I have my car, so how have you been Heather?...” Sherry asked flatly.

“I’ve been doing great, I just got a job offer to work in the Treasury Department that I think I’m gonna take in Virginia. So I’m going up to D.C. next week to check out apartments. They want me to start in January... I’m single and unattached things are great, What about you, we missed you last spring; how you been holding up sis ?, You know everybody heard about what that old bag did to you, See Karra I told you she was too damn old for you, She’s such a fucking hypocrite. Professing all of those gay and lesbian rights political bull shit, meanwhile she’s no better than any of these old assed, rusty male professors snatching up the first fine piece of ass that buys into their bull shit. She gets me so fucking sick, You know she got somebody to take your place before the bed was even cold. She’s seeing this little blond white bitch I think they live together, can you believe that?, I’m not sure but I don’t think she’s a student. Ms. Black lesbians’ unity bull shit, and who do you think she has warming her bed; some little flat assed snowflake. I tried to tell you girl that Butch Fem shit is played out, those old ways are dead. Butches just want to treat you the same way as these tired niggas, some of them are even worse, you know that chick Maxine that left school in sophomore year to be a model...?”

“ I’m not sure I do..” Karra interrupted trying to get a word in edgewise and maybe shift the conversation towards an end. “No I don’t think I ever met her but I saw her picture in Essence when everyone was posting in it up in the dorm... What about her?”

“Well Honey; let me tell you, girlfriend met some army chick in a club when she was in Japan on a shoot for Elle, and fell head over heals in love. The girl gave up the modeling shit and everything just to travel around with this butch bitch. The next thing you know the butch was being investigated by the Army for being gay got kicked out and they wind up back in the states at her mothers house in Compton L.A. both of them dead broke. Maxine tried to get into acting and back into the modeling thing, but you know how that show biz shit is, If you blow your moment, opportunity rarely knocks again. So then Maxine was working in one of them nightclubs as a exotic dancer so they could get a lot of money together quick so could get their own place and get up out of her moms’s crib. The only problem with that was , the butch couldn’t deal with the fact that Max was dancin naked for all those horny men, and she was mad jealous. Home girl started comin up to the club stalking her, trying to catch her in some shit , you know waitin in the bushes an shit like that.”... Heather chuckled.

“Well why didn’t the butch get a job and support them?..” Karra asked

“The bitch got a dishonorable discharge, she only had a GED, and you know the army don’t train black folks for nothing but army shit. I think her skill was some useless G.I. Jane type shit, like radio communications some kinda bull shit, I’m not sure what it was, I just know it was some shit you can’t get a job in the real world doing .” Heather was in full swing and genuinely amused with her own narrative “Anyway this chick started beating Maxine’s ass regularly, I mean black eye’s the whole nine.”

“But I thought you said they were staying at Maxine’s mother’s house, how could Max’s mother allow someone to abuse her daughter in her own house?..”

“No I didn’t, they were staying at the butches mother’s house, Maxine is from D.C., Honey after about two or three trips to the emergency room she must have come to her senses and called back home. Maxine’s brother had to fly out there and rescue the child. It got so bad that the bitch had started locking her in the house beating her everyday for any old reason, it was that ol’ crazy O.J. Simpson type shit...”

“Yeah but that sounds like the woman had some problems, It doesn’t mean that it had anything to do with her being a butch, she was just the abusive type.”Karra interrupted.

“That may be true but I’m telling you most of them are like that, they wanna be Men, they are not satisfied until they have their lovers fully dominated so they can live the fantasy, I look at it like this; if I gotta wash boxer shorts and have somebody whipping my ass whenever they feel like flexing, I might as well be with a man. Most of them are on some kind of power trip and I’m not down with that. I love women and I’ll be damned if I bow down to another bitch .”

“ Heather it’s not about bowing down it’s about mutual respect, and that’s important in any relationship.”

“ Well I wouldn’t call what Sheila did to you respectful, I mean fucking you over the way she did, you was the finest sista on this campus, and you could’ve had any one you wanted male or female. She kept your ass locked down tight, but wouldn’t give you a commitment because she wanted to do what she wanted to do, while you waited around for her to make up her mind. Everybody could see she was stringing you along, but nobody could tell you anything. Do you still think you were the only one she was seeing during the two years you were with her?... Bull shit !!! , I know for a fact that she was fucking at least two other chicks right here on campus, not to mention those lecture tours all over the damn place, she was playing you from the beginning Karra!...”

“Excuse me I think you’re getting a little too personal my relationships past or present are none of your fucking business Heather!”... Karra turned around and walked rapidly to her car.

“Karra !!! wait I’m sorry, please I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you!!...” Heather shouted running up behind her and grabbing her arm.

Karra yanked her arm away. “You know what Heather... you are so fucking full of shit !, you couldn’t wait to be the first one to tell me that Sheila’s living with someone. The first thing out of your mouth was about her new relationship, you don’t give a shit about how I feel, just stay the fuck away from me, and keep your negative Bull shit to yourself!!!..”

“That’s not true, I just didn’t want you to be shocked or embarrassed. Everybody knows about it and people can be very cruel, I was just trying to spare your feelings, not hurt them, the last thing I want to see is you get hurt again by that parasite!”

“You’re the fucking parasite Heather!!!, I can take care of my business so don’t try to play that protective shit with me . First you come out with the story about Sheila’s new white lover, and then pour it on with this heavy anti-butch horror story about Maxine, even with that you wasn’t even thinking about that girls unfortunate luck. You were more interested in dishing the dirt on her.” Karra’s voice was fully raised in anger, as she fumbled for her car keys. “I’m just sorry I stood here and listened to the gossip in the first place, and then you expect me to believe that you even considered my feelings, please girl just get out of my face, you are so transparent!!..” Karra shouted as she threw her groceries in the back seat of her jeep and drove off. As she sped out of the parking lot she could feel hot tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t hold back as she began to sob loudly in the silence of her car.

Remembering the pain and humiliation she felt that day at the supermarket, jarred Karra back to reality. No she would not leave her heart unprotected. If Sherry was going to be some one she could get into a relationship with, she was going to have to prove it. The sex was fantastic and she seemed really sweet, but Karra had made a commitment to herself that she would not let her heart or the little man in the boat rule her emotions ever again. After her breakup with Sheila she taught herself how to detach for survival.

What if Sherry turned out to be some psycho-bitch like Maxine had found in Japan. Good sex was one aspect of a relationship, and Sherry had certainly proven herself in that arena. But Karra remembered the months of pain and emotional uncertainty she had experienced because she had followed her heart instead of her head. She was not sure she wanted to take the chance no matter how good the sex was or how fine Sherry was. And she was damned sure the finest woman she had ever slept with. Sheila had been good-looking in a regal sort of way, but it was mainly her presence that initially attracted her not her looks. Sheila had a way of entering a room and commanding attention without even saying a word. Karra had always described her as a handsome woman with strong features. She was definitely not pretty in the traditional sense, but captivatingly attractive in her own right. But Sherry was something altogether different.

Karra had seen her walk out of the pool lounge in the club and nearly passed out. She scrambled to her cousin Britney’s side at the bar to try and point her out and find out if she knew her. But Britney was so drunk she couldn’t even focus long enough to catch a glimpse of her. Karra recalled inconspicuously following her upstairs to the dance floor. She remembered watching her confidently make her way to the dance floor and begin dancing with herself. She moved so smoothly, not too wild and not too subdued, just grooving to the pounding music and making her presence known. Karra had always loved the contrast of a dark-skinned body against her own honey colored complexion. The sight of Sherry’s smooth cocoa colored skin gleaming with a light sheen of sweat set her on fire. She had a rough neck style going on, but not too hard. She was kind of conservative Karra thought, she was dressed casually cool, with freshly pressed baggy Guess jeans and a crisp white Tommy Hilfiger polo shirt, which accentuated her broad muscular shoulders. A baseball cap turned backwards, covered straight shoulder length hair.

Karra rarely put her self on front street when it came to meeting women. Because of her own good looks she rarely had to. But at the sight of Sherry she was willing to take the risk. Just as she was getting up the nerve to make her own way to the dance floor, she saw a pretty Latina woman come up behind Sherry, grabbing her by the waist. Karra thought of how disappointed she was, when she saw the recognition on Sherry’s face and the seductive way she began to dance with the woman. Karra instantly thought that this may be her lover, she watched them dance for a bit, then backed off leaving the dance floor with a long face. After that she went back down stairs to find Britney, to tell her she was ready to leave. Prior to seeing Sherry she had found the club kind of boring. Besides, she was not really into the club scene any way, but had let Britney talk her into coming out and trying to meet some new people in New York. She couldn’t find Britney, so she wandered around until that fateful moment when she bumped into Sherry at the bar. And the rest she thought is what they call beautiful history.

Karra smiled and let her thoughts linger on all of these things as she stepped into the hot steamy shower. She could smell the pungent scent of last night’s sexual escapade thick on her body. She noticed that Sherry’s bathroom was well stocked with a variety of expensive shower gels, scented soaps, bath salts and oils. Partially melted scented candles lined the bathtub’s edges and window sill. In the corner sat a large potpourri pot on a wrought iron stand, filled with crushed flowers and aromatic herbs. Hmm, Either this is a woman who really knows how to pamper herself or she has a woman living here ,Karra thought to herself as she lathered her body with a sweet smelling guava bath gel. She grabbed a loofa sponge and let the hot water and rich sudsy foam engulf her body and her senses.

What am I worrying about, she thought cheerfully to herself, Hey girl, you met a gorgeous butch, the sex was awesome, it was fun, exciting, and you had a good time girl, no regrets, if its a one night stand so be it, it’s all good..., so you didn’t practice safe sex, next time, thank God my grand mamma praaaayed for me!! She laughed nervously out loud at her mental checklist and enjoyed the hot, pulsating stream of water flowing from the fancy shower massage.

“Excuse me, Miss!.., but can a sista take a tinkle?...” Karra heard Sherry shout over the sound of the shower.

She stuck her head out of the shower and said “Miss... see that already you don’t even know my name, well I guess its alright for you to come in and relieve yourself Madame!!” Karra said as she pretended to be in a huff and snapped her head back into the shower.

Sherry was already sitting on the toilet, pulled back the shower curtain and stared up at her laughing. “ Ahh. .. its ...Karra, isn’t it, how could I forget you, or your name..” Sherry cooed as she wiped herself. Sherry got up and darted her head into the shower “ Good morning gorgeous, damn baby you even look good in the morning with your hair all over your head” Sherry leaned further into the shower and whispered “come here...”

Karra felt the butterflies rise in her stomach, the base in Sherry’s voice sounded so sexy and alluring. Karra reached out to her with one soapy hand grasped her face, and kissed her gently on the lips. “ Did the shower wake you ...I’m sorry...sweet.”

“No the shower didn’t wake me, I woke up as soon as I felt you leave the bed,” Sherry said as she stared lustfully at Karra’s soapy naked body. She was a lovely vision, glistening wet from head to toe.

“I’m sorry boo , but my bladder is on a timer, and it wakes me up like clock work, I tried to be as quiet as possible because you seemed to be sleeping so peacefully”

“Yeah I was, I haven’t slept that good in months, but it’s ok.” Sherry said as she broke her gaze at Karra’s body. All she could think of at this point was dropping her boxers and jumping in to the shower with her. But she refrained, thinking that showering with a lover was such an intimate thing, and maybe it was too soon for them to indulge in something usually reserved for couples.

“Do you want to join me...?” Karra purred feeling that familiar ache in her stomach beginning to pound slowly.

“No doubt,... I wanted to ask you but I didn’t know if it was cool with you...” Sherry said cheerfully as she slid down her boxer shorts and kicked them off quickly stepping into the steamy shower. “Ahhh yeah,... you picked my favorite, guava, isn’t it the most exotic type shit...!”

“Yeah I love it, where did you get it? I’ve never heard of this brand.”

“I buy it at this natural food store and apothecary in the East Village, I can pick you up some if you really like it , or maybe I’ll take you there one day.” Sherry said as she stood under the force of the powerful spray of hot water. Sherry reached over to the shower caddy for the gel.

Karra could feel her nature rise as soon as Sherry stepped into the shower. She watched as the water splashed and danced all over her muscular, smooth cocoa colored arms and shoulders. Being this close to her again she could feel her sexual desire stirring once more. Karra watched as Sherry squeezed a handful of the rich gel on to her palms working up a lather. Sherry spread the rich lather over her breasts and down to her thick pubic hair. Watching the soapy foam glide over her chocolate skin, was more than Karra could stand, her clit was throbbing wildly. “Why don’t you let me scub your back honey,” Karra said as she reached out for the loofa sponge.

Sherry pulled her to her enjoying the feel of Karra’s slippery titties against her own firm mounds. “You want to bathe me baby?”

“Yeah I think I can help you out... a little sumthin,” Karra purred. Sherry hugged her close and kissed her, probing her mouth deeply. Karra’s breath quickened when she felt Sherry’s strong hands glide down to her buttocks and spread them wide. “ What am I going to do with you” Karra gasped as she broke their kiss and nuzzled Sherry’s neck. “ Anything you want baby ...anything you want...”Sherry growled. Karra laughed and caressed Sherry’s hard nipple, pinching and twisting it between her fingers. “Turn around woman so I can scrub your back”. Sherry turned around and faced the shower wall. Karra rubbed the loofa sponge up the length of Sherry’s back admiring her strong back and shoulders. She spread the foam down to her firm ass, and let her free hand massage her ample buttock. “You”re making me feel like a king, and a queen, all rolled up into one girl,” Sherry moaned as she raised her hands above her head and leveraged herself against the wall. “ Spread your legs baby so I can do a good job.” Karra murmured as she kneeled down on her knees behind her. God this woman’s body is beautiful Karra thought as she gently scrubbed Sherry’s thighs. With her legs spread Karra got an enticing view of Sherry’s health pussy lips and swollen clit poking out seductively. The sight of her womanhood spread before her was more than she could stand, unable to hold back Karra moaned deep in her throat and gave in to desire. Karra began to kiss and lick Sherry’s ass in long sensual strokes, as she let her hands enjoy the feel of her powerful thighs. Her tongue licked and danced around Sherry’s asshole, making her groan and sigh with pleasure. Karra lost herself in the ecstasy of the moment. It had been so long since she had felt so totally, sexually consumed. At this moment she had no doubts, no regrets or fears of the future, she let her sexual appetite guide her completely. Sherry moaned and moved her ass in a slow circular motion allowing Karra’s tongue to explore her every crevice with abandon. Karra reached around and stroked Sherry’s swollen clit making her cry out. This sudden pressure sent Sherry to the brink, and her orgasm exploded through her body like the like a thousand tiny electrodes. Karra hugged her thighs close to her and steadied her as she shuddered from her powerful release. “ Damn baby I can’t feel my legs”, Sherry gasped. Karra stood up as Sherry turned around and pulled her into her arms kissing her wildly. Karra broke the kiss and stared into Sherry’s eyes. They gazed into each other’s eyes for what seemed like a long time, as the steam in the shower rose and blurred their vision. All of the uncertainty that each of them felt about the future was clouded by the sultry steam of the shower. There was only this moment for them both. Out side of the shower was the future and the fear. Somehow this moment suspended their destiny and held every thing in balance, and neither of them wanted it to end just yet. No words passed between them yet communication seemed to continue. Holding each other about the waists they stared endlessly at each other’s face, studying every detail. It was Karra that finally spoke “ I... think... we are just about pruned right about now”, she giggled nervously. “Maybe... we should finish washing up and get out of here...” Sherry sighed. “Well, I don’t think we could get any cleaner at this point, I’m gonna get out and dry off... if that’s ok with you?..”then Karra kissed her lips lightly. “ I think I’m done too,” Sherry said before she turned the water off. Karra grabbed a towel from the rack. Sherry stepped out of the shower behind her and grabbed the towel “ let me do that for you”. Sherry carefully dried Karra’s body from head to toe, before wrapping it around her waist and quickly drying herself. “Come...” Sherry led Karra by the hand into the bedroom. “ Now, lets talk a little,... do you have to be some where right away?...”

“Well actually I should be getting ready, but we can talk for a bit, .... Oh shit!!... I forgot to call Britney!!.. , I was supposed to ring her the code”... “ Whose Britney?...” Sherry asked being careful of her tone, “and what’s the code”... “... My cousin, remember I wasn’t at the club by myself ya know, oh .. the code is one ring if I’m ok and staying out , two rings hang up and call back if I’m coming home, shit she’s probably called the marines by now , not to mention my parents in Decatur. Oh fuck! that would be all I need right about now... What time is it ?... can I use your phone?”

“ It’s 11:30, the phone’s right here...” Sherry handed her the cordless on the night table. “You can take it into the living room if you want some privacy” Sherry urged. “ Are you sure you don’t mind...?”

“ No no babe, be my guest.” Karra walked into the living room as she dialed Britney. “Hello...?”

“Karra!?!, Well where the hell are you girl?...”

“ I’m at Sherry’s.”

“Sherry who?, shit I was buggin out I couldn’t remember if you said you were going outside to talk or where the fuck you went, I was just about to call your moms, You cant be going off with these chicks in these clubs I told you that, I thought you were going outside to kick it with her and get her number, I didn’t expect you to stay out all night... anyway are you alright girl???...”

“Are you finished mother hen?... Yes I’m fine and I told you I would ring you the code...”

“ Yeah but you didn’t ring shit, all I’m saying is this is New York city and it’s not cool to just leave with someone like that,!.. I didn’t even get her name or her number. Do you know how many women just disappear without a trace in this city everyday!!, next time be sure to call me. I don’t know what I was going tell auntie Joyce and uncle Rob if something had happened to you...look you’re grown; and I’m definitely not trying to cramp your style, but there is away of doing things honey, I was so worried...”

“Listen Britney I’m sorry I didn’t call, things got a little heated and I forgot, I promise it wont happen again, in the future I’ll call or give you the number where I’ll be..but don’t you be calling down to Georgia every time you don’t hear from me for a couple of hours, mommy and them are worried enough without anything even happening...”

“ Ok, ok, I’m gonna let you get away with this shit this time but next time it’s on girl... Now when are you bringing your narrow tail home???”

“ I should be home in about two hours or so.”

“ So now that I have thoroughly cussed your ass out, What happened girl?... I want to hear a every sticky detail??”

“ I’ll talk to you about it when I get home Britney, now is not the time .”

“ Ooh... you nasty little hoe!, You gave her some didn’t you...? didn’t you...? did you rock her world?... tell me sumthin...”

“ Look Britney I gotta go I’ll tell you about when I get home, now stop stressin me B...”

“ Just tell me one thing? Was she packing a fly body under those baggy jeans?....”

“ Girl you are crazy... I’m getting off the phone bye fool!...”


Karra clicked the talk button and walked back into the bedroom to find Sherry slipping on a tee-shirt. “ Is every thing cool with your cousin?” Sherry asked as she went to closet and pulled out a pair of worn Levi jeans. “ Yeah its cool, she blessed me out for not calling of course, but she’s ok with it, the girl is so damned nosy though, she didn’t want to let me get off the phone.”

“Well please offer her my apologies, I should have told you to call when we got here but... well you know what happened...”

“Seriously its cool, but I do have to get ready to go baby. If I could just find my clothes...”

“Well your skirt is probably in the hall way, your blouse and panties are in the living room with your shoes...I’ll go get your stuff.” Sherry said as she slipped on her jeans. “ Do you have time to get some brunch I’d love to take you to this place across town....?” Sherry shouted back from the living room. “ I would love to, but I have some things I have to do today...I have to get home. I hope I can get a raincheck though..” Sherry stepped into the room with Karra’s clothes in a heap in her arms, and laid them out on the bed. “ That’s not a problem, actually you just answered my next question, I was really hoping that you wanted to see me again, I wasn’t sure how to proceed from here,...”

“ Of course I want to see you again,... listen last night we let nature take its course, and that is a risky thing, but we clicked and it was all good, I mean it was more than either of us expected, and now I would like to get know you better, but I have to say that I want to take it kind of slow from this point on, last night was not the usual for me and I’m feeling... a little awkward being here this morning. I still don’t know even your last name...”

“ Are you trying to say you feel cheap or something?..., because if you do I want you to know that I don’t, and as corney as it may sound, I have mad respect for you, last night was a sex thing. I’m sure we can both be honest about that, but today is different, and what I’m trying to say is I do want to get to know you better, I want to take it slow too, but I definitely feel more than a one night stand vibe from this situation, and if there is any thing I can do to make you feel more comfortable I’ll do it, maybe we need to take sometime to process this whole thing, I’m down for that, but I’m definitely into pursuing something more with you I’ve got to be honest about that... by the way my full name is Sherry Ellis, I’m 33 years old, I’m a Scorpio, I like long drives in the country, fine dining, art, gansta movies, basketball, hip hop, jazz, R&B, dancing, going to the beach, travel, and making love to beautiful women... Oh yeah and I’m a Christian who loves to study metaphysics and eastern philosophy... now you know a little bit more about me...” Sherry smiled a broad sarcastic smile. “ That was a mouth full, but that doesn’t tell me much, I could have been reading a damn personals ad you silly goose!!” Karra quipped as she began to put her clothes on “...hopefully we’ll have plenty of time to explore this further... there is one thing that you didn’t tell me, what do you do for a living?..”

“Aha! see that, now ya tryin to get all in the business...” Sherry playfully said. “ No I’m not,...I think that is a reasonable question to ask, it’s not like I’m some kinda damn gold digger!!, is it a big secret or something, what are you some kind of drug queenpin or something ...” Karra said indignantly. “Chill chill, mommie... chill I was just joking, You gots to learn the rhythm of my sense of humor. Let me stop playing with you before you get all bent out of shape, I work for an Architectural contracting firm. I do some design work but because I dont have my degree, I don’t get the credit. I work on layouts and supervise production. I’ve worked for this firm for about three years, and they are still talking about sending me back to school at their expense, but I’m not holding my breath. I make good money with them and I also have some private accounts of my own that have been picking up lately so I don’t do too bad. Hopefully in about two more years I can finish up my degree and work for myself. I hope to be working independently within five years. Basically I love my job and I’m pretty comfortable with the people I work with.” Karra was dressed now and slipping on her shoes. “ It sounds like you’ve got everything all planned out. I like a woman who knows what she wants, I find that very attractive, because so many people don’t have a clue, when I first graduated from college I went through a stage where I didn’t know whether I wanted to go on to grad school or work in business administration until I figured out what the hell I wanted. But my parents convinced me to do something while I was trying to figure it all out. Now I’m kinda glad that I decided to continue because I can see how time can be wasted like that. I decided that I want to go into advertising because... you’re gonna laugh when you hear this... I’m embarrased...” Karra blushed. “.... I have always loved commercials; you know I used to sing along with them and everything. Anyway I took some marketing courses as an under grad and I found that I was totally into it. Then I found out that some of the wealthiest executives in the country were in the advertising business, plus there has been a huge increase in African American’s in the advertising business.” Karra finished dressing and went into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. “ So anyway I figured I’d give it a shot, right now I’m just temping but I’m getting a lot of insight into the production end of the ad business. When I go back to school I’ll have a little edge.” Sherry followed her into the bathroom and stood behind her. “ So that means in about four or five years you’ll be making Nike and Budweiser commercial’s with a new flavor, so you’re trying to get paid huh?... it sounds like I’m not the only one with a plan, umm a woman with a good head on her shoulders”. “Getting paid ... you like that huh?...” Karra reached up and pinched her chin. “Yeah I like the idea of being wealthy, shit I’m not ashamed to admit it, most people are so phony, never wanting to admit that they like money and what it gets you. You know that bullshit about money being vulgar it’s a bunch of crap.”

“ I agree with you to a certain extent, there is nothing wrong with money being a motivating factor in a person’s life, but I have a problem with people who’s primary directive in life is getting cash. Like with these kids today the message is “All about the Benjamins” Materialism is such a dangerous thing, especially with our people. Black folk are so susceptible to that type of imagery, because most of us come up so deprived. I just think that black folk have to be very careful when it comes to money and the way we chose to acquire our wealth. When people put cars, clothes and jewels before basic morals and values and even human life there’s bound to be disaster.... don’t you agree?” Sherry stared at her in amazement; this woman expressed her whole life philosophy in nearly one breath. “ I agree totally, what I was trying to say was I’m not scared to admit that I like money and I’m planning on making enough of it so that I don’t have to worry about money or security.” Sherry said, trying not to sound defensive. “That’s a valid point and it’s all good baby..” Karra felt that her point may have been taken the wrong way, and didn’t want to seem like she was trying to impose her morales or judgement on Sherry so she backed off. “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me Karra, it’s not like I’m shallow or anything like that,...” Karra sensing her defensiveness interrupted “ I wasn’t implying that you were baby, I was just letting you know where I was coming from. I like nice things too and there is nothing wrong with prosperity. I hope you didn’t think I was coming off as self righteous because I’m not.” Karra said as she stepped forward with her arms out stretched “You know what baby?, this is and excellent conversation and I would love to continue this sometime later on, but I really have to get going, I’ve got some things to do and I want to change my clothes.” Karra slid her arms around Sherry’s waist holding her close and stared up into her eye’s. Sherry leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. “Can I drive you home?..”

“ No that’s not necessary I can take a cab, besides you said you have things to do this afternoon, I don’t want to put you out of your way.”

“Yeah, I do have some stuff to do, but it’s just basic Saturday bullshit, like grocery shopping and I have to drop some stuff off at the laundry and go to the cleaners, driving you home is really no problem boo,... unless you don’t want me to know where you live just yet...is that it?...” Karra laughed and hugged her face tightly against her chest.
“What’s all this paranoid stuff all of a sudden honey? , of course I want you to know where I live, as a matter of fact when I leave here you gonna have my home number, work number AND my pager number. Don’t tell me after all that’s happened between us so far you’re losing some of that super confident attitude that swept me off my feet last night...?” Karra whispered against her chest as she listened to her quickening heartbeat. Sherry pulled back and stared down at her for a moment and then gave her a gentle searching kiss that took her breath away. “ It’s not that at all, I guess maybe I ought to get something straight with you before we go any further. It’s not that I’m lacking confidence, but sometimes women play a lot of games, now don’t get me wrong, you don’t seem like that type but I wanted to be sure that you”re not playing any games . I just thought that I would ask if there was a problem with me driving you home....” Sherry paused and sighed deeply. “I want tell you something else and I don’t know if it’s the right time to discuss this...”

“What is it?... Is there something wrong?...”

“... No there’s nothing wrong, I just want to give you some insight into me that’s all. Last night when we met I was on some shit. It was the first time in months since I had been out to the club. I have been isolating somewhat, more or less giving myself sometime to heal from a fucked up relationship that ended about six months ago, more or less. I guess I’ve been basically licking my wounds and nursing myself back to emotional and spiritual health. I needed some time to myself, away from the whole scene. I’ve just been working coming home and chilling out for the most part. Well anyway I was in full Mack Mode last night, you know totally out to catch... period, what I’m trying to say Boo..., is that what you experienced last night was just one aspect of my personality, I’m not this one dimensional butch character or just some shallow image that you saw last night. If that’s what you think or that’s what you’re looking for you may be disappointed. I can be insecure and vulnerable too, so when you asked if I’m losing my confidence a red flag went up. I don’t want to feel like I can’t let my guard down around you. Keeping an image up 24/7 is an exhausting thing to have to do baby. The whole constant macho thing,... don’t show your feelings, never let a chick know what you’re thinking and all that bullshit is just too fucking exhausting, and besides that, its weak. I think that may be why so many men are such assholes. Imagine what it must be like to have to present this image that you got it all in control all the time, that’s what it’s like for guys. Think about it, from the time they’re little boys they’re taught not to show emotion or vulnerability...”

“ Is that how you feel Sherry??.. like a man...??” Karra interrupted.

“Yeah sometimes I do feel like a guy, like I have to always be on. Some Fems have these unrealistic expectations of what a Butch woman should be like. I feel very masculine at times this is true, actually most of the time. But that doesn’t mean that I’m this impenetrable rock either. I struggled with my sexuality for a long time before I got comfortable with myself. And now I think I’m coming to a place in my life, where it really doesn’t matter to me what my image is. At one time I was really caught up in what other butches thought about me, like whether I was respected as this big time Mack Mama, and how many chicks I could pull and juggle in one night, you know bull shit like that. But at the same time I was so conflicted, it got to the point where I was so uncomfortable that I began to take a look at what I was projecting. And once I did; I really didn’t like what I saw. I had become this pretentious, superficial, uncaring player type of person, and for what?... to fit in?... to be accepted by people I found that I neither liked or respected. When I really looked at the situation It was all a bunch of ego driven bullshit. So one day I made a decision to change, but I didn’t really change, I guess I just sort of changed back. I decided to start being myself again, and whoever the fuck didnt like it could kiss my ass. Yeah... I still want to go out like Big Poppa sometimes but now I don’t get caught up in my own bullshit. I only allow myself to believe my own hype to a certain extent. Today when I meet a woman I like to let the real me show. Last night was the real me, but just a part of me, and today is the real me as well. I like to express myself when the feeling hits me. And isn’t that what most people are looking for in a relationship?... some one they can be themselves with and not have to worry about being vulnerable or getting their teeth kicked in by some one they trust?.. Ultimately I think it takes a stronger person to be vulnerable, than it takes to front like you don’t feel anything. Like right now I’m wondering what you’re thinking, and whether you can handle this level of honesty, you’d be surprised to know how many women think they want honesty, then when you give it to them they turn tail and run like they saw the devil...”


“ Well I don’t have a tail and I’m not about to run, and I’m sorry if I made you feel like you have to play games or feel like you needed to prove something I really didn’t mean anything by my statement... but right now I’m glad that I said it...”


“ Oh really...now why is that Ms. Karra??...”


“Because if I hadn’t you would not have had any reason to give me such a deep insight into who Sherry really is, not today anyway, and I’m glad that you did...”

Karra arched her back and pressed her body tightly against her as she began to kiss her soulfully, letting her tongue glide across her lips in smooth wide circles. They stood kissing passionately until Sherry pulled gently away. “ I better call you that cab you asked for before I decide to hold you here hostage...” Karra laughed and agreed. Sherry dialed a local cab service. “Where are you going I need to tell them before they’ll take the fare...?”

“I’m going to Park Slope Brooklyn Seventh Ave...”

“ You’re going to take a cab from here to Park Slope.
That’s going to cost a small fortune, if you not going to let me drive you home at least let me pay for the cab fare honey...”

“ I have money you don’t have to pay the cab fare it’s cool...”

“ No way I’m gonna have to insist, I’m on hold... Yes I need a car at 47 Hamilton Terrace going to Seventh Ave Park Slope Brooklyn...three minutes, OK... how much will it be?... $25 plus tip.. OK thank you...”

“ Sherry I have it you don’t have to pay for my cab,... seriously... you don’t...”

“ Enough! Woman... I said I’m paying it, now that’s it! I don’t want to hear any more about OK??...”

“OK, OK, you don’t have to get all flustered about it sweety!...”

“ We better get down stairs she said three minutes which could mean 1 minute and they don’t wait if you’re not outside. Do you have every thing?... Oh yeah lets not forget those digits you promised me....” Karra grabbed a pen “Do you have a phone book?..”

“ Yeah but I cant put my hands on it right now just write it on the back of this...” sherry grabbed an old edition of interior design magazine from the overstuffed magazine bin next to her dresser. “ Are you sure you won’t lose it in all of those magazines...”

“Not a chance in hell I‘ll lose this... I’ll put it in my phone book as soon as I get back upstairs... let me give you my card so this is an even exchange...” Sherry rumbled through the top dresser drawer and fished out her personal business card. Karra was impressed by the slick modern design and logo that read: SHERRY ELLIS FOR ALL YOUR INTERIOR NEEDS. “Wow! this is very nice, but it isn’t your business card from your job is it?”... “ No I designed this myself on my computer I use it for business and personal acquaintances, the one from work is generic and I cant use it for personal stuff, this one has my home phone, pager, and cel number so there’s no excuses for not reaching me. Most of my private clients want to be able to reach me at anytime, and I give them that courtesy...”

“ Yeah and I bet there’s quite a few women who’d like to have that courtesy as well, huh player...?”

“ Maybe a few, but believe me at this point that is of no concern to you my dear. Now come on I know your car is down stairs.” Sherry led her by the hand to the front foyer area. “Hey aren’t you forgetting something...?” Karra whispered “No , you have everything you came with don’t you?” Sherry answered sarcastically, just as Karra grabbed her waist from behind. Sherry turned around pretending to be startled. “ What do you want now baby girl??” Karra tilted her head and kissed her. “ This was really fun I’m glad I met you Sherry Ellis.” Sherry hugged her tightly. “Me too this was the best time I’ve had in a very long time. Thank you. I’d like it if you called me when you got home just to let me know you got home alright. If I’m not here just leave a message on the service... alright?”

“Cool, I’ll call as soon as I get in.”

“Cool, lets go”.


A tan late model Lincoln Continental waited in front of Sherry’s building. Just as they stepped onto the sidewalk the driver began to honk the horn. “ Chill Papi! She’s right here, make sure you get her home safe, and don’t take the FDR its backed up at this time, take Second Avenue!...” Sherry shouted over the loud meringue music blaring from his speakers, as she opened the door. “...And turn that damn music down, Where the hell you think you at Santo Domingo!!...” The driver grumbled and said something in Spanish before turning the blaring stereo down. “ I’ll call you later babe”

“Yeah you make sure you do that... Oh I almost forgot here you go love...” Sherry handed her two twenty dollar bills through the window. “... This is too much it’s only going to be thirty dollars...”Karra said “ I don’t have any change Boo, just have some breakfast or lunch on me it’s no big deal,... stop sweating the small stuff honey!..”Sherry yelled as the car pulled off.


Karra settled back into the plush leather of the Lincoln’s back seat. What are you getting yourself into girl. Thinking about the events of the last 24 hours had her feeling giddy with excitement. The cab sped down Second Avenue in record time, as her mind drifted the city whizzed by and she could only think of Sherry.

It was 1:30 when Karra finally reached Britney’s apartment. Karra didn’t relish the thought of having to give Britney a blow by blow of her night of passion with Sherry. She hoped that she wouldn’t be home and she could stretch out and take a nap. She hadn’t really gotten a lot of sleep and wanted to relax and collect her thoughts. Usually sharing a kiss and tell story with her favorite and only bi-sexual cousin was fun and liberating. But some how the thought of telling Britney the intricate details of her encounter with Sherry seemed immature. Karra felt alive and tingly inside and talking about what happened seemed like it might cheapen the experience. It had already been established that what started last night would be more than a one night stand. And “kee keeing” about it with Britney just didn’t seem fit in with what she was feeling.

Besides that she was not in the mood for Britney’s depressing hole punching and negative predictions. Britney had a long string of bad relationships with men and women to draw her conclusions from and she usually offered warnings. Britney’s favorite motto was “what’s love got to do with it”. She was deeply jaded and these days she only dated to get her sexual groove on. As she turned the key to the apartment door Karra decided that what she’d shared with Sherry wasn’t up for discussion. Walking into Britney’s cluttered one bedroom apartment painfully reminded her of how badly she wanted her own place. Karra hoped that her temp assignment would be extended past the two months that her agency rep had guaranteed. If she could save for additional two or three months she would be able to get a place in the city. Her parents had offered to loan her the money for an apartment while she went to grad school. But since they had picked up the tab for her undergrad degree and had recently taken out a second mortgage on their house to pay for her tuition at NYU, she decided that she couldn’t let them pay for her rent.

Britney offered to put her up until she could afford a place of her own and Karra jumped at the offer. Her parents did not like the idea at first but when Karra told them she would save for her own apartment and let them help her with furnishing they finally came around. Britney lived alone in a one bedroom railroad apartment in a renovated brownstone. For two years she had shared the apartment with her boyfriend Thomas until their relationship ended a year and a half ago. Britney was always open with him about her sexuality, but after dealing with her sexual indiscretions with women for nearly three years the poor guy gave her an ultimatum. Either she get rid of her girlfriends or he was walking. Britney, ever the hard head, chose to give up the only man that she ever loved for the illusion of a more care free lifestyle. To this day she won’t admit that she’d probably made the biggest mistake of her life. Britney hadn’t had a steady boyfriend, or girlfriend for that matter since they’d broken up.

Karra knew that deep down Britney was lonely and a little bitter about the decisions she’d made in her personal life. But Britney was a hard boiled New Yorker and credited herself for coming from the school of hard knocks. She kept her feelings to herself and projected the image of a survivor and often spoke of her self in the third person as if she was a spectator in her own life. To Karra she seemed to be drinking, and hanging out a little too much and was becoming more and more jaded every day. Britney steered clear of committed relationships and kept most people at a distance. She was proud of her independence and felt that she could take care of herself. She felt good about being able to offer her favorite cousin a place to stay and welcomed the company. Although her apartment was much too small for the both of them, she was convinced that they would be able to get along for the six to eight months it might take Karra to find an apartment of her own. She had moved in nearly three months ago and so far it was working out OK. Britney was a little over protective sometimes, but for the most part she knew how to give Karra her space when she needed it.


Before Karra stepped into the apartment she knew that Britney was at home. She could her the soulful sounds of the new R&B singer Maxwell that everyone was raving about, blasting from the stereo. Karra loved his voice and had ran out and bought the CD as soon as she heard his single “Ascension”. She and Britney played the CD every morning while they scrambled to get ready for work. She found Britney in the bathroom, which was right next to the front door, bent over scrubbing the bathtub. It was Saturday household chores day, the bathroom was usually her job. “Well you finally brought your raggedy ass home huh?... don’t tell me , let me guess traffic was terrible bullshit, you know I’ve been waitin for you to get here and spill your guts...”


“Well traffic wasn’t actually that bad at all, but I did take a little time talking to Sherry before I left...” Karra said as she looked for a tee shirt on the top shelf of the cluttered her closet. “I cant wait to get out of these musky clothes” she said as she grabbed a clean white tee shirt and fished out her favorite pair of holey worn Levi’s. She laughed to her self when she realized that she had inadvertently put on the exact same outfit that Sherry was wearing today. Tattered blue jeans and a white tee shirt. Karra was amused by the irony.

“So sista cus, what’s the 411 on Sherry, What happened?...Wait let me get some juice... You just sit right down and get comfortable..?” Britney squealed as she pulled Karra into the livingroom and pushed her onto the futon.

“Damn Britney I thought you were working on getting a life so that you wont have to live mine vicariously, There’s no big story to tell anyway... I don’t know why you’re getting so excited.” Karra tried to sound flat and monotone hoping to give Britney the idea that is wasn’t a big deal.

“ohhh No you don’t Miss Honey, You are not getting off that easy!!!...” Britney shouted back from the kitchen. “You just cool your heels for a minute and I’ll be right in,.. Do you want some orange juice?...”


“No but I could use some cold water” Karra shouted back. How was she going to get out of this drawn out conversation with Britney? There was nothing Karra wanted to do more than climb up into the loft bed and take a nap for a couple of hours. She had promised Britney they would go to the Fulton Street Mall and do some shopping, and afterwards go into the city for a movie. Britney wanted to go to the Angelica and check out that new movie Bound. Anytime there was a movie with lesbian themes everyone in the community scrambled to go see it , since there were so few images of lesbian culture in the movies or media.

Karra had been looking forward to going shopping and catching the flick as well, but now she was considering giving the whole outing a raincheck. She felt like she’d had enough stimulation for the past 24 hours and was not in the mood to do the shopping thing. The idea of traipsing around the mall dealing with all those people did not seem inviting to her at all.

Britney returned to the living room with a tall glass of water and a mug of O.J. for her self. “ Ok, so let me start it off for you... you guys were at it hot and heavy at the club I caught that part, and then she whisked you off to get acquainted little sumthin,sumthin right?...”


“Yess, you’re right so far nosy ass!!..” Karra couldn’t help but laugh at Britney’s comedic tones, she was such a drama queen. “...And then????, what happened??, come on girl give it up... What kind of whip was she pushin, I bet she drives a jeep right , she looks like the out doors type...” Britney anxiously quipped. Karra sighed realizing she was trapped “No actually she drives a White Mustang Convertible, but it was too cold to have the top down, her car is really cool, although I’m partial to foreign cars, I’d do like American muscle cars..”


“I don’t want to hear about no goddamned cars what was up with the Boom Boom!!, get to the dirt girl.. What’s wrong with you anyway, you’re acting all weird and secretive, what’s up with that?..” Britney interrupted finally sounding indignant. “Ok, Ok, the Boom, Boom part, you meddling cow!!” they both laughed.

“Well, we got at each other in record speed in the club, she was so hot I couldn’t help myself. The girl definitely put the right moves on me. Before I knew it all the freak in me was out and running things. I still cant believe I let her do things to me in that club that I have never let anyone even dream of doing in public. I’ve never even acted out fantasies like that with Sheila. You know the whole seduction by a stranger scene. Any way we got up town to her house and we did it and it was good and that’s the story...”


“Bullshit...!! those aren’t details, shit I knew you fucked her that’s no fucking puzzle Karra, I wanted to know the sticky parts you Know what I’m talking about...” Britney snickered.

“No I don’t Britney, just what are you talking about? I think I’ve told you enough already. What else can I say the woman is great in bed , and even if I do say so myself I’m damn good too, put us together and you have a night of beautiful music. So what else is there to tell? She MADE LOVE to me!!!, like no one else has in my entire life,... is that what you want to hear!!??... Then I got up, took a shower, we talked for a few minutes and came I home that’s all there is to it!!!..”

Britney’s mouth dropped open in amazement her expression changed from excitement to disappointment instantly “... She made love to you???, Oh no Karra,... I cant believe you’re still so idealistic after all you’ve been through, Made love to you?? She doesn’t even Know you girl!. How could she make love to you, don’t you think MADE LOVE is an awfully STRONG term to use when defining a one night affair. Ohhh Yeah!, she may have FUCKED YOU!! Real good, but sweetheart I honestly doubt that you could call it Making LUUVV, Shit!, girl you just met her and got your groove on, why do you have to take it to some unrealistic level so rapidly honey??” Britney answered cynically. Karra got up from the futon and began to climb the five short rungs up to the top of the loftbed. “Where you goin?...”


“ I don’t want to talk about it anymore!!, and by the way,... its been established that it’s not going to be a one night stand we’re are definitely going to see each other again!...”


“ Well goody two shoes for you, I don’t see why you’re getting so upset and running up there.”

Karra’s patience had run out at this point. “ you see this is exactly why I didn’t want to talk about this with you, I knew you’d start in with your pessimistic attitude and your cynical remarks. Sherry seems like a really nice woman and I like her. I know she likes me and we are going to date. I’m not a child and I’m not selling myself any dreams,... but you can best believe that I am going to pursue this...”

Britney interrupted “...Wait a minute Miss, just hold up right there!, I don’t know why you’re getting all defensive, but let me tell you something...” Britney had climbed halfway up to the top of the loft and was leaning on the bed.”...I was just trying to keep it REAL for you, You act like she’s your woman already. I’m just saying don’t get all IN so quickly!. Didn’t you go through enough with Sheila to know by now that you cant trust passion to be your judge when it comes to relationships. I checked Miss Sherry out , Yeah she’s fine and all that, and I don’t doubt that she probably knows her way around the bedroom. But do you know what that spells to me... Player!, girl she’s got Mack written all over her. She’s probably got women lined up from here to California, and you wouldn’t know, Why? Because you don’t know her. Face it Karra you’re young, naive, and you ‘re inexperienced in the gay life style. There are so many fucking sharks out there just waitin to steal your innocense. So don’t hate me for being protective. You’ve already had one bad experience, I would think that you would have learned to be a little more cautious with your heart after dealing with Sheila...”

Karra was fuming and could feel her eyes welling up in tears. Her voice was shakey with emotion as she bolted up and yelled “Cautious!!!?, don’t you mean SAFE, isn’t that what you’re really trying to say Britney, play it safe little SiS! Don’t take any risks, be like me “Never LOOOVE those HOE’S!!!, Well I don’t want to be like you! I can’t live my life on one night stands and Vodka Gimlets. I want more from life than that. Yes I got hurt, Yes I even lost my mind for a little while there, but pain is part of life its inevitable. And I’m not going to suffer for the rest of my life just because I got hurt and disappointed a couple of times. I cant live like that, and I think you should think about changing your philosophy before you wind up alone your damn self. Thomas loved you, You let him go, OK!, its over... now its time to move on, but I mean really move on. And I’m not talking about just fucking some one every now and then just to chase the blues away either, I’m talking about opening up your heart and really giving some else a chance. What are you gonna do? Continue to be this jaded, bitter lounge lizard, just because you made a mistake and got hurt??!!...Well honey, that’s not going to be me, I’m 24 years old, yeah I’m young and I may even be naive, but I’m no damned fool!. And I find it insulting when you treat me as if I’m stupid. I love you cus I think you know that, but I had to tell you this, and it may hurt but you’ve got to let me live my life. I had to tell my parents the same thing. I’ve got to make my own mistakes, at least they’ll be my mistakes not someone else’s!!!....”

Britney was hurt and offended by Karra’s outburst and stared at her for a moment before making her way back down the loft latter. “ All I have to say is a wise person learns from the mistakes of others little sis ,while a fool keeps making the same ones expecting a different result. I hope you can find the balance between making new mistakes and learning from the mistakes of others.”

Karra was truly heated and a little disappointed that Britney didn’t even seem to acknowledge her point. She always had to have the last word which was something that had irked her since they were kids. Britney was four years older than Karra and didn’t have any younger siblings so she adopted Karra as her little sister. She meant well and loved her very much but Karra knew that she was confusing her situation with hers and needed to set her straight about her values. Karra loved and respected Britney but she wasn’t going to let her run her life or impose her judgment on her either.

Karra let her body collapse on the bed and felt herself drifting off to sleep, just as she heard Britney start the shower. Well at least their little spat would get her out of going shopping. She decided she would skip the shopping and maybe page Britney later and make up so they could catch the movie tonight. They often had disagreements but couldn’t stay mad at each other and Karra felt confident that Britney would cool off after she bought a couple of pairs of shoes at the mall. Maybe they’d go out for a drink after the movies. Karra felt herself falling into a deep sleep and the last thought she had before her body relaxed was she had to call Sherry when she woke up. She remembered her saying that she’d probably be out doing her Saturday chores by the time she reached Brooklyn, but she should leave a message if she wasn’t there. Karra thought that she would wait until she woke up, that way she’d have a better chance of catching her at home and she could talk to her in person. She was already anticipating the sound of her voice.


THE END

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