by
Glitter
_____"Mommy, are you and Madre going away?" Angelina, our oldest.

_____"Maybe." I told her. I made a point to never lie to my children, but if I told her that Lucky and I were planning on staying home, it would only prompt more questions as to why they had to stay with their grandmother. And "maybe" was a safe answer, because Lucky could have something planned.

_____"Miguel's being gross." Angelina announced. "He kept doing that stupid 'see-food' joke during dinner."

_____I had to suppress my laugh, knowing how gross it was for Miguel to show his mouth full of chewed food at the dinner table, but also knowing that it was Lucky who had first done the joke to the kids, which sparked it.

_____"I'll have a talk with him." I told her.

_____"When are you picking us up?" She asked for the umpteenth time. It wasn't that the kids didn't like spending time with Lucky's mother. Somehow they had this keen sense of knowing when Lucky and I were doing something "fun" and they wanted in on it too. But they were kids. Little did they know that our kind of fun was no fun for them.

_____"We'll come get you first thing Sunday morning." I told her.

_____"Before church?" She asked.

_____"No, you know better than that. We'll be at the house before you all come back from Mass."

_____"Mommy." She whined. "Mass is soooo boring!"

_____"Angelina, this is not the time to get into this." That was the hard thing about parenting. I totally agreed with her. The few times that I had gone to a Catholic Mass with Lucky and her family, I almost fell asleep. My family was southern Baptist, and I was used to all the hollering, the loud praying, and the constant sayings of "Amen", "Hallelujah", and "Praise the Lord". Although I had to admit, I would take the forty-five-minute Mass over the two and a half hour Baptist service any day. But to make it fair, even though they had been baptized Catholic, they were exposed to both faiths, and when it was time, they could decide whatever they wanted. Even though Catholicism was stricter about our lifestyle, Lucky was still strong in her faith, and her family was fine with us, making it bearable.

_____"Okay." I could picture the angry pout on her face and, to me that made her even more precious. She was definitely Lucky's child that was for sure.

_____"I have to go soon, darling. Let me talk to your brother."

_____"Okay. I miss you Mommy. And tell Madre I miss her too."

_____"I miss you too, baby."

_____Few seconds of silence, then Miguel's soft voice, "Mommy, Angie keeps hitting me!"

_____Oh, God, why? "Tell her that I said for her to stop."

_____He repeated it, then I heard a stifled "ow", and I knew that meant she had pinched him or something. Angelina was too much like Lucky sometimes. She was definitely the more aggressive of the two.

_____I heard it often that when parents have two children, each child would take on characteristics of one parent. And in our family, it was true. I never favoured one over the other, but to be honest, Miguel was more my speed. He was the more artistic one, always wanting to read or draw. We'd spend hours together, Miguel sitting on my lap while we read. He was always up for trips to the museum or art galleries. Although they both obsessed over sports, Angelina was the one who wanted to be the star athlete, excelling in just about any sport she could think of, especially basketball. They both learned to box, but Angelina was more physical, hot tempered, and would actually fight, while Miguel used his head and would rather talk things out. I wasn't the greatest in the kitchen, but Lucky, like her father, could cook her ass off. And just like Lucky, Angelina loved to cook. And just like me, Miguel couldn't and could care less.

_____"Are you and Madre going to have a romantic time?" Miguel suddenly asked.

_____"Um...why do you ask?"

_____"Angie said that's what people do on their anniversary." He answered.

_____"I guess so, yes. We're going to have a romantic time."

_____"What do you do to have a romantic time?"

_____It's amazing how children will choose the oddest moments to ask the important questions.

_____But I was gonna nip this one right in the bud. "How about we talk about that when we see you on Sunday?" I made a mental note to warn Lucky that it was time for the birds and the bees conversation with Miguel.

_____"Ok."

_____"I miss you."

_____"I miss you too, Mommy. Oh! Guess what? Nonna bought me a new book and we're going to read some of it before I got to bed."

_____I smiled into the phone. "Good for you."

_____"Ok, Nonna wants to talk to you. I love you Mommy." I heard movement, then, "NONNA! I'M OFF THE PHONE!"

_____"Thia, your children are more of a handful every time I see them." My mother-in-law said as soon as she got on the phone.

_____"But you love it, Doreen."

_____"Of course, I do! I would love to have more grandchildren."

_____Not-too-subtle hint. "Very funny."

_____She chuckled. "You can't blame an old woman for trying."

_____"Show me the old woman and we'll see." I said. We went over some more small details then the conversation ended with another one of Doreen's hints.

_____Lucky's mother was a little too traditional sometimes. Always after us to have children and more children. I found it strangely ironic that she and Sal were our biggest opponents when we decided to have a family. But then again, they were our biggest opponents when we finally told our family that we were in love.

_____When Lucky and I left for college, we believed that only the best would be ahead. A women's college. I think Lucky was more surprised by how comfortable we felt than I was. We knew we were looking forward to being there, but our first week alone was exhilarating, just settling in and getting used to everything. The college was small, the student body less than four hundred, but we had what we wanted most...freedom.

_____College life turned out to be like an extension of our little vacation during the summer. We had gotten our way and managed to get a two-person room to share in the dorms. Even with all the hard work and late nights studying, and feeling like we had aged thirty years in a span of months, the reward of basically living together made it all worth it. There were hardly any worries about secrecy at the college.

_____ Feminists were strong here, and there were many girls who were sexually experimenting with other girls as if it would free them from the traditional bonds. One girl in my sociology class said, "When women make love to other women, they free themselves from the ball and chain that has been passed down from mother to daughter for generations. We take back our sexuality. Men think that they can control the reigns because they control they sex. Well we prove that we don't need them. We can enjoy the sexual experience with anyone and achieve orgasm without them."

_____Lucky shared the class with me, and even though we were on opposite sides of the room, our eyes still met and we tried our best to hide our laughter.

_____I had no problem with the Women's Movement. As a woman who was just planning her life, I totally supported it. But it seemed to me that so many women didn't understand what it was all about. The Women's Movement was for equality, not bashing men. At least in my eye, that's how I saw it. So many girls I met on campus were wounded by a man on some level, and decided to use sexuality as a way to free themselves from any more pain or heartache. And I still couldn't figure out how standing up for your rights somehow related to having sex with other women.

_____Lucky called them fake lesbians. They were in it only for show and defiance.

_____"Fake lesbians sounds more up our alley." I told her.

_____"What does that mean?" She asked.

_____It was towards the end of our freshmen year, and I felt like a totally different person. I had gotten to see so many things and meet so many people. I had actually met quite a few lesbians on the campus and even though Lucky and I still kept our relationship quiet, I still felt a bond with them.

_____"We still hide." I told her.

_____She sighed, throwing her hands up in the air. It was not the first time we had this conversation. We both agreed that it was the best thing for us, but as time wore on, it was getting harder and harder to not scream that I was in love and who I was in love with.

_____"Thia, do we really have to do this now?"

_____I rolled my eyes. "Of course not. Let's just wait another couple of years and see how society is then."

_____"What is your problem?" She asked. "Are you ready to tell your folks? Are you ready for them to cut you off? Cuz you know that's gonna happen. Shit, Thia, I'm Catholic. The church will literally throw me out over this. I'll be excommunicated."

_____"I know, I know." I grumbled. I knew what the stakes were. And no, I wasn't ready to tell our families yet. But I, at least, felt that we could be open and honest here.

_____"Baby." She walked over to where I was standing and kissed my cheek. "You know that I want to climb the highest mountain and let everyone know that you're my woman. But it's not the right time yet."

_____"When will it be?" I asked. "So many girls are out here, why can't we? It's not like the campus is gonna start protesting or something. It's 1978, for God's sake."

_____"I know, but..."

_____"But nothing, Lucky." I pulled away from her. "I'm tired and I hate being referred to as just your friend. I'm your girlfriend. I love you and you love me, we have the right to be honest about that."

_____"Thia, I know this."

_____"Then why are you so opposed to it?"

_____"Because I'm not ready, that's why!" She screamed back at me. "Don't I have the right to not want people to know what's going on in my bed?"

_____"It's more than just your bed!" I yelled back. "I'm more than just some chick that you lay."

_____"I didn't say that you weren't."

_____"Well, it didn't sound like that to me..."

_____We were interrupted by a knock on our room door, and in a huff, I walked to it and swung it open.

_____Standing there was Sherrie Matlock, a girl that lived in a room a few doors down, and she had tears in her eyes.

_____My anger fell away to concern, "Sherrie, what's wrong?"

_____She looked as if she had seen a ghost. She carefully walked into the room, holding onto a red sweatshirt that I recognized as Lisa's, Sherrie's girlfriend. My first thought was that they had a fight and broke up.

_____Lucky pulled a chair out for Sherrie to sit in. "What happened?"

_____Sherrie sniffed as she stared down at the sweatshirt. "Li...Li...Lisa's in the hospital."

_____"Oh, no." I took the other chair and sat beside her. "What happened to her?"

_____"A...a couple of guys...they beat her up." She managed to say between sobs.

_____"Why?" Lucky asked.

_____Sherrie held the sweatshirt tight to her chest. "These guys hang out near a park where Lisa has to walk through to get here from work. One of the guys...he...he kept asking her out on a date. And she'd keep saying no, bu...but he wouldn't stop asking her..." She used the sleeve of the sweatshirt to wipe away a tear that was rolling down her cheek. "She thought that if she told him that she was gay that...that he would just leave her alone. But he didn't." Her green eyes flashed hot with anger. "She said that after a while, he and his friends started calling her a dyke and stuff. But she would just ignore them."

_____"Oh, God." I whispered, knowing what was coming.

_____"And last night, they didn't stop. They...they fo...followed her to the park and beat her up...and...and..." She started to cry harder, "and raped her."

_____My heart felt like it literally stopped beating.

_____"How do you know?" Lucky asked.

_____"Sh...she called me last night from the hospital. I went to see her and...God, she looks so awful! Her face is all bruised up and black and blue, and they broke her arm and two ribs." Sherrie suddenly looked as if her life had walked out of her. "They damaged her so badly...the doctors aren't sure if she'll be able to have children."

_____It was as if my blood had turned ice in my veins. I thought of the countless talks that Lucky and I had about my wanting to be a mother someday and how important it was to me. Just the idea of not having that choice anymore...I couldn't imagine it.

_____Lisa started to shake her head. "She said they laughed when they found out she was a virgin. They...they said that they were teaching her a lesson for being a...a dyke. And maybe afterwards, she'd change her mind."

_____"Do her parents know?" I asked.

_____Sherrie nodded. "That's why I'm here. They told me to leave. They said that this was all my fault." Her face literally crumbled. "They're pulling her out of school and told me to never contact her again." She turned to look at me. "What am I gonna do? I love Lisa. She's my life."

_____"What did Lisa say?" Lucky reached for a tissue and handed it to her.

_____"Her parents came while I was at the cafeteria getting some coffee." Sherrie wiped at her red eyes. "They wouldn't let me back in her room. I heard her screaming my name, but they didn't care. They said they were gonna fix her when they got her back home." She then let all the tears fall. "I don't know what I'll do without her...she's all I got."

_____I put my arms around her shoulders and held her while she cried. Over her head, I looked at Lucky and I could see the fear on her face. We were thinking the same thing. I knew that people protested about homosexuals, but I never thought of people actually being violent about it. All of a sudden our argument seemed unimportant.

_____I'd keep this secret for the rest of my life if it meant I wouldn't be in Sherrie's shoes. Or worse...Lisa's.

_____ *** *** *** ***

_____It was as if I was thrown back in time somewhat. From that moment on, the only thing on my mind was to finish college, get my career going, and for Lucky and I to find somewhere we could be safe and in love. We went back to the secrecy with newfound appreciation. Word spread around school about Lisa's attack, and it only fueled more protests from the feminist groups, and more heated discussions in classes about women's personal rights and how men abused them. Lucky and I stayed away from all of it. We had our similar goal and that was all we concerned ourselves with.

_____When our freshmen year ended, we went back home with mixed feelings. We missed our families, of course, but felt like we were somewhat going back to who we used to be. Our parents were amazed at how much we had matured in less than a year, but we weren't. We knew what we had experienced and I guess in a way, it did make us a little tougher. Our little town wasn't the world to us anymore. We had seen what the world could be like, and we were prepared for it.

_____The remainder of our college years was the same. We loved in secret, regardless of how many girls were coming out left and right. It was kind of sad, because there were so many events that Lucky and I wanted to attend, but didn't. We had to be content watching Pride parades, rallies, sit-ins, protests and such on television or reading about them in the paper. Regardless of how we felt, we just couldn't bring ourselves to actually come out. Too much was at stake.

_____We graduated in 1982. I had my Business degree and Lucky had her Bachelors in Liberal Arts and Sciences, already accepting an offer as an elementary school teacher at a school she had volunteered. So, we decided that we wouldn't move back home and just continue with our life here, much to our parents' dismay.

_____Imagine being almost twenty-two, gay, and living on your own with your girlfriend, miles and miles away from family. We partied like there was no tomorrow. Lucky and I had similar ethics, and didn't party too much during college just so we could keep our head straight. But afterwards, we went wild. We would go to clubs, but we could only find straight clubs in town, which wasn't awful, but we would rather dance with each other instead of the numerous guys that asked us. But even still, it was a way to get out of the house so we still went.

_____I scored a job managing a bookstore a few blocks away from our apartment, and after a few months working there, I noticed that one of my employees, Jimmy, was gay. It wasn't that hard to figure out; he was extremely effeminate, swung his hips more than I did, and his supposed roommate had complete lust and love in his eyes whenever he would look at Jimmy. I hadn't known that many gay men, only meeting a few that were friends of friends, but for some reason he fascinated me. Jimmy and I became fast friends and would often hang out together outside of work. One night while at a bar after work he handed me a card that read, PINK LAGOON.

_____"What's this?" I asked.

_____He took a drag from his cigarette. "It's a gay club."

_____Thank God I'm a dark woman or I would have been red. "What makes you think I'd want this?"

_____He smiled. "Ever heard of gaydar, honey? Mine rings like church bells whenever you're around. You're as gay as I am, no need to lie to me."

_____I didn't know what to say. I just handed the card back to him, before lighting my own cigarette, a habit I had picked up in school.

_____"No, keep it." He pushed it back to me. "When you're ready, you'll come. I'm there every Friday night, so when you do come, you'll find me, believe me."

_____I just shrugged and shoved the card in my purse, forcing myself to forget it.

_____But you know I couldn't, right? All the way home, it was like a beacon, signaling its existence, until I couldn't take it anymore and practically ripped it out of my purse once I got home.

_____"What's that?" Lucky asked I walked in the door. She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

_____"Jimmy thinks I'm gay, so he handed me this." I handed the card to her.

_____She stopped dead in her tracks. "You told him?"

_____I shook my head. "He said something about gaydar. But he's made up his mind that I am."

_____She sighed. "Fuck."

_____"What?" I asked. "Lucky, we can't hide it forever, you know. Regardless of what we do, what we say, people are gonna figure it out like Jimmy did."

_____She sighed again. "I just don't want any craziness, that's all."

_____"Neither do I."

_____"Baby..."

_____I walked over to her and slipped my arms around her waist, resting my head against her shoulder. "I don't want to hide anymore. We can make it on our own if we have to. Look at us now. If our parents can't handle it, so be it. I can't do this anymore, Lucky." I tilted my head back looking at her.

_____She was silent for a moment staring deep into my eyes, and something must have worked, because she just nodded. "Ok. We'll go home and tell them. We're going home for Thanksgiving anyway, right?"

_____I nodded.

_____"Ok. We'll tell them then."

_____Big, big, big mistake. Let me first take this time to say that if you are ever planning to come out to your family, never, NEVER do it on a holiday or some kind of family gathering. Why do majority of gays pick Thanksgiving or Christmas to come out to their families, I have no idea. All you accomplish is possibly ruining a family event of celebration with something that was more private and should be discussed separately. If I knew then, what I know now, I probably would have smacked us for even thinking of doing it.

_____But we did. We decided to drive home, which took us about six hours of driving and gave us time to plan. We stayed at our respective homes. My parents were so ecstatic about having me home, that as soon as I set my bags down, Mama started firing questions at me about my job, the apartment, and if there was a man in my life. I wasn't sure what to really say to them. Lucky and I had decided that we would tell all our parents together, and Mama wasn't accepting any of the answers that I was giving her.

_____"Why don't you leave the girl alone?" Daddy asked her. "She's got her whole life ahead of her."

_____"Good men aren't easy to find." Was her response.

_____Daddy rolled his eyes. So did I. But I managed to avoid giving her any direct answers.

_____When I called Lucky that night, she told me she had the same welcome.

_____"You'd think they'd care more about my career, especially after they paid for four years to prepare for it, but no, all they care about is if I have a man." She said.

_____"Same here." I was sitting on the slanted roof right outside my bedroom window smoking.

_____"You ready for tomorrow?" She asked. I could hear the worry in her voice.

_____"I'm ready as I'll ever be." I said honestly.

_____"You sure you want to do this?"

_____"You backing out?"

_____"No, no, I'm not. I'm just scared."

_____I could feel the sinking feeling in my stomach. Lucky almost never admits to fear. And when she did, she usually had a good reason. This meant that we weren't going to have an easy time of this. And believe me, we didn't.

_____We were celebrating at my house. Lucky and her family arrived around four o'clock; my mother and I were still in the kitchen finishing up with dinner against my will. Mama still couldn't understand why I didn't have her talent in the kitchen, and had no problem saying so over and over. As soon as I heard the front door, my heartbeat quickened in anticipation of seeing Lucky, and realizing The Time was coming closer.

_____I walked into the living room, removing my apron. I had worn a light blue, floral dress Lucky had bought for me for tonight, with light blue pumps, and I had my hair pulled back with blue clips. When I saw Lucky, it was like falling in love with her all over again. She looked as beautiful as ever. Dressed in a pair of khakis, a yellow button-down shirt, and my favourite brown loafers I got for her birthday. A year ago, she had cut her waist-length hair to her shoulders, and it was held back in its usual ponytail.

_____"Hi." I said to the D'Costas. I had to remember to not hug Lucky for too long, before I took their drink orders, but I stole a wink at her before returning to the kitchen.

_____"It's such a shame she always hides her figure." Mama said as she scooped some stuffing into a bowl.

_____"Who?" I asked.

_____"Lucky." Mama replied. "She is such a beautiful girl. Why don't you talk to her? Try to get her to buy dresses or wear some makeup."

_____"It's not really her thing, Mama."

_____"It's not natural. Women should enjoy being feminine."

_____"There are different types of women, Mama." I said. "And Lucky's happy with herself. Just leave it alone."

_____She just shook her head. "It's just a shame, that's all."

_____Dinner was as joyful as ever. Both of our fathers talking politics; Mr. D'Costa cracking jokes about how corrupt the government was, and Daddy agreeing with him. Our mothers compared notes on fashion, how ridiculous young people looked today, and then, of course, the conversation turned to us.

_____"How is teaching?" Mama asked Lucky.

_____"I love it." Lucky replied with a smile on her face. I smiled inside, knowing that children were her favourite topic. "I'm always amazed by how easily children are receptive to learning. If you place something new on a table and just leave it alone, a child will come to it and analyze it on their own. They just soak up knowledge. And they can teach you so much."

_____Mama nodded, smiling herself. "That's exactly how I felt when I had Forsythia. I couldn't wait for a new day to come to expose her to new things. I was seeing everything through new eyes."

_____"It's just a beautiful experience. And I'm grateful for it every day." Lucky added. "I can't wait to walk into my classroom every morning."

_____"It's not like you have to wait to go to work for that." Mr. D'Costa told her. "You can have your own, you know."

_____"Oh, here we go." Lucky sighed.

_____"'Here we go' what?" He asked her. "Is it wrong to want my only daughter to be married and have a family of her own?"

_____"Pop, there's nothing wrong with that, but I'm not ready. And this isn't really the time." Lucky glanced at me uncomfortably.

_____"What do you girls plan on doing out there anyway?" Daddy asked us.

_____"What we're doing now." I said. "Working, getting our lives together, and seeing what we want to do next."

_____"I still think you should have come back here." Mrs. D'Costa reached for the salt. "It's unsettling to think of you girls on your own so far away."

_____ Lucky sighed again, "Ma, please..."

_____ "I hope you two aren't just working. You should be having fun, meeting people, dating..."

_____ "Who says we aren't dating?" I asked suddenly.

_____ Silence.

_____ What the hell was I thinking saying that? And I know Lucky was thinking the same thing from the look she was giving me.

_____ "So you are dating?" Mama suddenly had a huge smile on her face. "Tell me about him. What's his name, what does he do, what does he look like, what about his family?"

_____ "Um..." I was at a loss for words, kicking myself for digging the hole I was now in.

_____ Lucky cleared her throat. "Actually, that's what Thia and I wanted to talk to you all about."

_____ That sinking feeling I had the night before returned, expanding, filling my stomach, and I had to put my fork down, because I started to fill nauseated.

_____ "What?" Mr. D'Costa asked.

_____ All eight eyes were on us, and I could feel Lucky's leg press against mine. I nudged my leg closer to hers. Our only way of holding each other before them.

_____ "We're not exactly sure how to say this." Lucky was slowly tying knots in her napkin. "Um...about us dating..."

_____ "What about it?" That was Mama.

_____ "We are." Lucky continued. "Dating, I mean."

_____ "And?" That was Mrs. D'Costa. "Who are they, when are we going to meet them?"

_____ "No, you don't understand." I didn't realize how many knots could be made in one napkin. Lucky's hands were trembling. "We're not dating anyone else..."

_____ "We're gay." I said suddenly. And as soon as the words flew out of my mouth, I wanted to fly out of the window with them.

_____ Oh, if there was silence before, it had somehow manifested to a new level now. I could even hear the laughter coming from the house next door.

_____ "What do you mean, you're gay?" Daddy asked, his eyebrows starting to do that twitching thing they do when he was upset.

_____ "We're dating...each other." Lucky said. "We're in love."

_____ Oh, this was bad. Really, really bad. Being the only white person in the room, Mr. D'Costa was the most transparent about his feelings, his face turning beet red out of anger.

_____ "You can't be serious." Mrs. D'Costa said.

_____ "We are." Lucky suddenly reached out and took my hand, holding it tightly.

_____Oh, sweet Jesus, right in front of them.

_____She tried to force a proud smile. "We've loved each other for as long as we can remember..."

_____ Mr. D'Costa suddenly got to his feet. "Doreen, get your things. We're leavin'."

_____ "Pop." Lucky started to get to her feet.

_____ "Don't call me that." He said, not looking at her. "I don't know who you are, but you ain't my daughter. Not with that bullshit. Doreen, I said let's go."

_____ Mrs. D'Costa seemed as if she had left her body. Mr. D'Costa had to take her arm before she realized what he had said, getting to her feet.

_____ "Pop, don't do this." Lucky said. "Let's talk."

_____ "What is there to talk about?" Daddy's loud voice thundered as he got to his feet as well. "You two are telling us this...this...sick, twisted thing, and you want to talk about it? Do you realize what you are saying?"

_____ "Yes." I said, finding my voice again. "Daddy, I can't help how I feel..."

_____ "Yes, you can." He said flatly. "You can get help."

_____"I'm not sick, Daddy, I don't need to get help. I love Lucky, there's nothing wrong with that."

_____"It's wrong." Mr. D'Costa said. "It's a sin."

_____"So is gambling, but you do it all the time." Lucky snapped. "When is one sin ok, and the other isn't?"

_____"Is this what those faggots teach you?!" Mr. D'Costa screamed. "To disrespect your father?"

_____"Love can't be a sin." I said. "We're going to make a life together...we want you all to know..."

_____Daddy slammed his fist on the table, making all the plates shake and a couple of glasses tip over. I watched as Mama's glass of red wine spilled on the white linen and lace tablecloth that she painstakingly irons for special occasions. It was a wedding gift from her grandmother, and I was watching it now being ruined for the first time.

_____"Get out of my house." He told us.

_____ "Daddy!" I cried. I turned to look at Mama. "Mama, please talk to him."

_____ She just shook her head, not meeting my eyes. "I can't...I just can't..." She said so softly, half speaking to herself.

_____ "Don't bring that sickness into my house." Daddy tossed his napkin on his plate. "If you chose to live that way, not here. You won't be welcomed in my house. Not in my house." Then he walked out of the dining room.

_____ The D'Costas were next to leave, refusing to even speak to us, and I could see how pale Lucky was. She just fell back into her seat, staring off into space. I couldn't move. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to be held. And suddenly I felt like a little girl again and just wanted my mother.

_____ Mama still hadn't moved from her seat. I forced myself to walk over to her.

_____ "Mama," I got down on my knees before. "If you cut me off, I don't know what I'll do..."

_____ Her eyes finally settled on me, and I saw they were brimming with tears. "Why, Forsythia? What did we do wrong?"

_____ "Nothing, Mama. You and Daddy did all the right things. I just love differently, that's all. And it's Lucky, Mama, you love her too."

_____ "It's not right." She said. "You both are women..."

_____ "And best friends. And we trust each other completely. Mama, I can't remember a moment that I didn't love Lucky. Love is pure, isn't it?"

_____ She just bowed her head. "You both are asking for a hard life ahead."

_____ "We've already seen it." I told her. "And it only made us stronger."

_____ She tilted her head to the side as she stared at me. She reached out and started to stroke my hair. "When you were born, I had so many dreams for you. Your wedding. Being with you while you gave birth to your children...."

_____ "I can still do all that, Mama." I glanced at Lucky, who still hadn't moved. "But I want to share all those experiences with Lucky. That's the only difference." I could feel the tears running down my cheek. "But I need you on my side. I need your advice, Mama. Lucky and I need our parents with us."

_____ She shook her head. "Your father isn't going to come around on this. And I can't speak for the D'Costas."

_____ There was my shimmer of hope. "But you'll be there for us?"

_____ She bit her bottom lip as she continued to stare at me. Then she gave a heavy sigh. "Of course I am. You're my baby. How can I not?"

_____ I cried harder, hugging her. "Thank you."

_____ She hugged me back, then got to her feet. I watched her walk over to Lucky, and she placed her arms around her shoulders. Then I watched Lucky crumble as she buried her face into Mama's chest and cried.

_____ "You two haven't lost everyone." Mama said. "You have me. I love you both. I can't say that I understand, but I'm here for you."

_____ It wasn't exactly what we had hoped for, but it was comforting. And we definitely took it.

_____ *** *** *** ***

_____ Life for us didn't drastically change after Lucky and I came out to our families. Even with Mama's support, we returned home with heavy hearts. Neither Daddy nor the D'Costas wanted us in their homes, so we had to pack our things and stay in a motel that night before driving back home the following morning. Conversation was minimum. We had the music blaring, neither of us really paying attention as we tried to figure out what our next plan of action was.

_____ My eyes were closed, not sleeping, but just trying to let my mind marinate on everything that had just happened when I heard Lucky say something.

_____ "What?" I asked, sitting up in my seat, looking at her.

_____ "Did you mean what you said to your mother?"

_____ "I said a lot to my mother."

_____ "About wanting to marry me and have kids and stuff." She stole a look at me as we sped along. "You think about that?"

_____ "Yes, I do. And I meant what I said to Mama." I said honestly. It's funny, but as much as I felt it in my heart, I never really let myself admit it to myself, much less say it to Lucky either. We were in a committed relationship, but afraid to actually mention the possibility of a future as if that would make it more fragile than it already was.

_____ "Me too." She admitted softly. Lucky reached out and took my hand in hers. I scooted over, resting my head on her shoulder. We drove in silence. The song on the radio changed and "Just The Two Of Us" By William Salter played. I squeezed Lucky's hand.

_____ "I love you." She said suddenly.

_____ "I love you." I told her, letting my eyes close again.

_____ When we returned home, I couldn't have imagined how welcomed it felt to be back in our little apartment. Life here was normal to us. We knew where we stood and what we were doing. As we returned to our daily routine, the pain of Daddy and the D'Costas' rejection was never far from our minds, but we somehow managed to function.

_____I couldn't imagine how Lucky must have felt. At least I still had Mama, but both her parents had completely shut her out. She had waited almost two weeks before calling her parents. She had managed to get her mother on the phone, but apparently Mr. D'Costa had taken the phone from his wife and started arguing with Lucky about calling.

_____"Pop, please hear me out." I heard Lucky say. I sat at the table in the kitchen, smoking my second cigarette in six minutes, my hands slightly trembling as I watched Lucky pace back and forth.

_____"I understand you don't want to hear from me. But I need to talk to you. You're my father..." She paused. "Pop, don't say that. Pop, please." She stopped, and her eyes locked with mine, and I could see the tears welling in hers. Lucky crying used to be something I rarely saw, but ever since we got back, she would cry herself to sleep every night with me holding her tightly.

_____"Padre..." She said softly, and I could feel my chest tighten. "No, no, don't do that. You can't mean that."

_____I gave her a questioning look and she reached for a notepad and pencil and wrote, He wants to disown me and have me excommunicated from the church.

_____Oh damn, that was her biggest fear. I reached out, grabbing her hand before she could walk away. Her fingers tightened around mine.

_____"Padre, non lo lascia. Ti amo e li ho bisogno." Her voice was barely audible. "I'm not lying, I do love and need you. You and Mommy, you know that."

_____She fell silent, and I could hear Mr. D'Costa's baritone voice screaming through the phone. I watched a tear run down Lucky's cheek, but she brushed it away roughly.

_____"All I ask is that you see me. Please, can you do that much?...No, I don't think that's unreasonable. Pop, I'm your only child, you can't just..." Her lips tightened as she quietly listened. Then I felt it. She was getting angry. She let go of my hand suddenly and she fell into complete Italian, and I couldn't understand a word she was saying, and for the umpteenth time in my life I was kicking myself for not learning it.

_____"Yes." She finally said in English. "I understand. Just know that regardless of what you think, I do love you. Before we hang up, I just want you to remember one thing." She took a deep breath. "Just remember how hard it was for you to marry Mommy, ok? Remember what Nonna and Grampapa did and how you felt." Then she quietly hung up the phone.

_____"Baby." I said getting to my feet.

_____She held up her hand as she walked out the kitchen. "I need to be alone. I'll be back later." A few moments later, I heard the front door slam shut.

_____That was the very first time that Lucky had actually shut me out and it felt like my heart had been viciously pulled through my chest. But I knew that she needed personal time to think, and I respected that. I just made dinner and quietly ate alone before going to bed early. It must have been a little after midnight when I heard Lucky come home. I didn't move from the bed, but faked sleep as I heard her undress and come to bed. As soon as she climbed in, she slid an arm around my waist and molded herself to my body. I could smell liquor on her, but I just forced myself to stay still.

_____"I know you're awake." She whispered.

_____"Are you ok?" I asked softly.

_____"I will be."

_____"You need to talk?"

_____"No, I'm done talking. I just need to hold you, ok?"

_____"Ok."

_____I felt her kiss the back of my neck before she buried her face in my hair. In a few moments I heard her breathing deepen as she fell asleep.

_____We have never mentioned that day again.

Part 3

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