_____by Lovelybrown
Before you
I never had closure
Only moved from one ex to the next best thing
Drowning my memories with new sex
Too busy to reflect on the shit I had in the past
To realize what I had gained
Always assumed it would last and with each stroke
I choked on my own denial while moaning your name
We use to be lovers
Now we more like rivals
Or distant cousins
Though we being ever so politically correct
attempt to keep feelings in check
But now I'm a wreck
But I was the one to leave
Who would have believed that you would be the one to change?
Rearrange yourself
Exhale on some… Mary J Shit
Shit… just ain't the same
But through the pain
We both were reborn
Forged from the storm
Or was it the scorn of two Scorpios relished
You caught my heart like a thief
Immature
I wanted more
So you grew
and I grew
outside of you
And those things that we both wanted from each other
Came about
Separately
As I bottled up my ego in the form of jealously
Cause we'll never be
Never
No more
And I can accept that
Except that
I didn't really see letting you go that easily
Loving you deceived me
Cause I miss my friend
Always trying to gain control of the situation
But your abandonment and moving on still causes me frustration
Yeah…I'm hating
Cause it's not like I was really trying to have you like that
I just wanted my friend back (with benefits)
Without the drama of what we had in the past
The arguments, the fights, the upside down laughs
Time moves fast
And on occasion I still have flashbacks of you moaning my name
raging
But I got to sever ties with the green eyes
that blind me
And even though I miss the picture of us
And the way you use to enter and thrust
And those things in the past made me happy
Are now mere memories
So I battle daily with the mad nigga inside of me
Feeling like you was part of my property
Cause even though I let you go 6 months ago
Emotionally your scent still lingers
And future visions of you laying in the arms of the one you may love in the future
Could be the present
But that's irrelevant
Still fucks with me
Cause what we had was heaven sent
And nah this poem is not meant to be some bitter shit
Cause I don't regret the love you gave
Cause it was through you I was saved
And the 2.5 years we had together were strong
But at times I know I did u wrong
And you never really learned to sang my song
or rather sing in the key that I wanted
and our conflicts were often flaunted
So I severed the ties
Now I lie here thinking of you
And I lie to myself only wanting to capture you like an object
Confused
Cause If I really wanted you I would have stayed
And never put you through those blues
But I did what I had to do
And you are doing what you need to do too
At times I regret the consequences of some of my actions
And I hope that he or she brings you satisfaction
That we couldn't find together
During all that time that we remained on that chain/chain/chain
Going through those emotions
Going through the motions
Sometimes loving you was deep as an ocean
At times when we were together it was like I was floating
And now I'm open
Knowing that every thing happens for a reason
But love changes like the seasons
And your impact on my life will remain as concrete as mortor
You were that decorative border
But we gotta move on now.
