Warning: contains domestic violence/abuse.
by
Taneigha
Partial story line provided by: April McIntyre
Dedicated to:
C.Stokes, L.Greene & S. Shelton
_____All I remember is the sound of the cold water running all over the new French cream & olive colored tiles that we laid less than two years ago. As I lay soaked in a puddle of blood and water, I tried to remember how I ended up in this cold lonely place that I use to call home. But my memory had become nothing more than a blur as I passed out right there on the floor. It must have been only a few minutes after she had left before a neighbor finally came to our house to check on me. When I finally opened my eyes I no longer recognized the cool stiffness of the tile floor. Now I was surrounded by warm, crisp sheets and pillows and wrapped in a lavender robe. In the distance I could barely see Kayla, my neighbor, speaking with a couple of doctors in the hospital. In my mind I silently prayed that she hadn't told them what had happened…I prayed that she didn't tell them that Ty had beaten me. That was the last thing I needed, it was the last thing she needed. Ty was my life and just two short months earlier she had become my wife. The last thing we needed was for her to go to jail for putting me in my place. We were happy and I knew that she didn't mean it, I knew that she loved me. This was just something that we had to get through.
_____See, Ty & I had been having a real tough time lately. I had been giving her constant drama with my persistent bitching about all the things she needed to do. I bickered relentlessly. I only wanted Ty to reach her true potential. I felt that if she only applied herself then she could accomplish anything, we could accomplish anything. And throughout our relationship we had. She completed her college degree in her chosen field with honors. She had taken my advice and applied herself. She had set and matched all of her goals and ambitions. She even landed her dream job as an architect at a well-respected firm a week before her graduation. Ty was set. She was on top of the world until things took an unexpected turn two weeks ago when her firm folded leaving her high and dry without a job. That was it…. I had pushed her too hard. I told her everything would be okay. I told her to get her ideas in order and get back out there. I knew that anyone who had the opportunity to see her work would see what I've seen all along, she was a winner with great potential and talent. But I pushed her way too hard this time. This time she snapped. She asked me for a little space. A little time to get herself together so she could collect her thoughts & allow her sometime to wallow in her new found situation. But I wouldn't let her. I've always been her cheering section but I guess this time I was just too much to bare. Before I knew it, I was on the floor bleeding profusely. I pushed her into doing this to me. I couldn't be responsible for any more pressure on Ty. I had to think of something. She couldn't go to jail because of me.
_____"Hey hon how are you feeling"? Kayla asked as she stepped towards the center of the room shaking me from my train of thought.
_____"I'm okay for the most part I guess just a little sore is all."
_____ "Yeah well you should be sore after what that bitch did to you!"
_____"Hey now wait a minute," I reminded her in a scolding tone. "Ty is not a bitch! "Know what you are talking about before you start judging her like that."
_____ "Know what I'm talking about!" she said raising her voice so that the entire hospital staff could hear her. "I think I can do more than know what I'm talking about Jai, I can show you proof of what I'm talking about." she said as she reached for a small hand mirror on the edge of the table next to her.
_____She handed me the mirror and I let out a thunderous scream as I stared at what use to be my reflection. This was not me. This was some hideous creature looking back at me.
_____"Look at what that bitch has done to you Jai, just look at your face!"
_____She was right, I thought silently to myself, as the tears streamed down what use to be my face. Look at what she had done to me. I couldn't say anything; all I could do was cry.
_____Kayla came close to me as she pulled the mirror out from my hand.
_____"It's okay."
_____She said as she leaned in to give me hug and wipe my face.
_____"We'll get through this…we'll get the police after her just as soon as you verify everything that happened with the doctors, then you can make a statement to the police".
_____ I pushed Kayla away from the mere thought of us telling any doctors let a lone the police about what had taken place just a few hours earlier.
_____"I can't tell them what happened, they will lock her up and throw away the key. I can't put Ty under anymore pressure… I can't put her in jail…I'm sure…."
_____Kayla stopped me cold.
_____"Your NOT gonna let her get away with what she has done to you are you? "For Christ sake, Jainella, you are laying up here in the fucking hospital because of what this trick did to you. And you are worrying about the pressure you 're gonna put on her? Give me a fuckin' break Jai, she obviously wasn't to concerned about all the pressure she put on you after she kicked you so fuckin' hard that she fractured not one but two of your ribs! I mean damn girl; you saw what she did to your face! Look at you, look at your eye and your lip…just look at you!"
_____She yelled attempting to shove the mirror back in my face just so I could verify that everything she was saying was true.
_____"You just don't understand, Kayla". I protested. "I pushed her to it! I know that she didn't mean to do this to me. Ty loves me. I just went to far this time. I pushed her to hard. The last thing she needs is to go to jail over me especially after all that she has been through over these two weeks".
_____ Kayla just looked at me shakin' her head in her obvious disappointment in my decision to keep what had happen between us.
_____"I can't believe you are just gonna let her walk after what she has done to you. I told you should have stayed with me instead of running off to marrying that bitch".
_____"Look Kayla, I've told you about talking about Ty like that. Enough already okay! Can't we just get out of here? I'm not gonna turn on her just to please you and everyone else. I love her and we can work this out."
_____I told her completely dismissing her earlier comment regarding our previous relationship. Kayla knew when my mind was made up. She knew when to leave it alone. I guess some of us seem to learn that lesson just a little quicker than others. I should have given Ty her space when she asked me to.
_____ _____"Ms. Summers you forgot your robe"
_____A nurse shouted as she ran out to meet Kayla and I as we were just about to exit the hospital's main registration desk.
_____"Thank you," I said as I attempted to take the cottony fabric from her pale yet, very well manicured hands.
_____"Oh it is my pleasure Ms. Summers; you take care now sweetie" And with that said, she rushed off to attend to another patient.
_____"Don't go getting into anymore of those horrible car accidents dear."
_____ A very nosey yet pleasant elderly woman added as she sat waiting for her husband .It seems that Kayla had been running her mouth to this elderly woman for quite some time while she waited for me to sign my hospital release forms.
_____"I'll try not to"
_____I said quite honestly just really wanting to avoid the whole conversation. So I decided to leave it at that as I clang to Kayla while pinching her for telling the old bag my business. Realizing I was in quite a bit of pain, the elderly women bid us farewell and we were finally on our way. As we exited the building I could see Kayla's 2003 metallic red wine Hum-V sitting out like a sore thumb amongst the other vehicles in the parking lot. As we were walking toward it Kayla suddenly stopped us clear in our tracks. She asked me if I was I able to hold myself up for a few minutes. I answered "yes" not fully aware of why she had suddenly asked. Just barely a second later I realized exactly why she had. She had spotted Ty walking in our direction through the crowded parking lot. Kayla was going to meet her and surely start some unnecessary ghetto shit right on these rich white peoples property.
_____"Kayla"!
_____ I shouted but I was too late…. For she had already began making her way in Ty's direction. I knew full well that if Kayla reached her she would have no intention of talking. It was bound to be some shit! I could feel it.
_____You see Ty and Kayla barely got along since the main reason I left Kayla seven years ago was because of her. Ty had shown me pictures of Kayla and another woman all hugged up. Ty assumed Kayla was cheating on me and she thought that I should know about it. When I finally confronted Kayla about the photo's Ty had given me I already felt that there was no way in HELL that Kayla could deny it. Kayla however did attempt to explain the situation and just who the female in the picture was. But I didn't want to hear it! Kayla and I were suppose to have lunch together that day but at the last minute she cancelled saying that she had some to finish up and that she would be unable to make our date. The fact was, Kayla had lied to me. I didn't want to hear any of her excuses. She had hurt me and all my trust for her was gone. That was one of the worst feelings I had ever felt. Kayla and I were supposed to last. We were always there for one another on any level and up until that very moment virtually inseparable. But now that image of us was shattered and the only image that filled my thoughts now were the ones of her and this other woman pressed so closely together that there was very little room for air. I was heart broken. There was no way she could talk her way out of it. The damage had been done. Our fate had been sealed the very moment I found out. As I told you earlier, Kayla knew when to stop pushing an issue with me. My mind was made up and our relationship ended that same afternoon.
_____Several months later I would run into that beautiful young woman from the very pictures that haunted my days and nights. I found out her name was Keira and that she was in fact Kayla's very beautiful and very straight half sister from a previous marriage. As it turns out they had found each other two days prior to their meeting that Ty had photographed. They were getting together with the rest of Kayla's family to surprise me for my twenty-third birthday party that Kayla and her family had been secretly planning over the past few weeks. Keira went on to explain that Kayla wanted us to be happy and that she wanted her entire family to witness our happiness when she planned to propose to me at my surprise party. But as you know that never came to pass. About an hour and a half before the surprise party was to begin, I confronted Kayla with the photos. In the end I had left her standing their with hardly a thought of a respectable goodbye, instead I left with a tearful filled "fuck you" accompanied immediately after with the sound of a slamming door as I exited the room.
_____By the time I had found out the truth from Kiera, Kayla and I had lost touch and she moved away to attain her Masters degree in the arts. We hadn't spoken for over a year. By the time we did Ty and I had already been dating seriously for a few months. I would soon learn that Kiera had told Kayla all about our conversation. Kayla called me a few days later. Keeping in mind my circumstances at the time, Kayla and I didn't even attempt to get back together. She told me that as long as I was happy with Ty that she was happy for me. After a tearful exchange of heartfelt apologies we decided to remain good friends and we did. A few years later Kayla had completed her Masters program and moved back to the old neighborhood. Ty & I ended up inadvertently buying the property right next door to her $185,000 Victorian style home. Of course there was always a little tension surrounding them whenever we all got together but they always tried to make the best of it to keep me happy. But now here they were about to go at it and embarrass us all in this parking lot.
_____"Kayla!!! Kayla"! I shouted at the top of my lungs.
_____But she did not stop walking towards Ty. And Ty being the ever bold nigga she was kept coming forward. But don't get me wrong Kayla was no slouch, she stood about 5'4, 172 lbs. of toned butter almond colored muscle. She was a thugged out type of girl with short curly hair and two big pretty dimples on either side of her face. She was sexy and intelligent. Those were just a few of her many qualities that attracted me to her so many years ago. Ty on the other hand was different. Not in regard of her sex appeal cause baby girl had it going on for real. She stood a good 5'6, 180 lbs. With the smooth complexion a raw ebony silk. She was darker than the usual women I had dated prior to her but hell she'd prove to be different all around. She had a nice build, not too muscular and not too soft. She was just right. She could handle her shit when it came down to it. But I wasn't trying to have them get into trouble over me. By the time I caught up to Ty, Kayla was already in her face.
_____ "Come on Kayla just leave it alone we'll work it out" I said as she stood directly in front of Ty."
_____"You'll work it out, this bitch shouldn't even be here after what she did to you….but it's all good cause I'm ‘bout to leave this bitch just like she left you, passed out on the mutha fuckin' hard ass concrete".
_____ "Yo you wanna throw down over a simple misunderstanding" Ty uttered pissing Kayla off even more.
_____" Simple misunderstanding? "Look at what you did to Jainella, it doesn't look to me like some fuckin' misunderstanding. Looks to me like yo punk ass deliberately tried to hurt her".
_____It's not like that at all is it Jai"?
_____Ty said rather calmly barely rattled by the tone in Kayla's voice. " Go ahead tell her baby, tell her you fell and hurt yourself trying to hang something in the bathroom while we were arguing". Ty continued to urge.
_____"Yeah that's what happen K… let's just drop it" (knowing full well that she knew that I was lying). "I'm just really exhausted I'd like to go home now and just lay down for a while".
_____"But Jainella"!
_____"No buts Kayla, I'm going home with Ty".
_____I gave her a reassuring hug and walked away.
_____The ride home was long and quite. I didn't know if I should say anything or just keep my mouth shut on the account that I might start another argument with Ty. By the time we pulled up in front of the house it had to be about a quarter to nine in the evening. It was cold and dark. As I began to get myself together to open the door to Ty's 2002 black Grand Jeep Cherokee Ty reached over and grabbed my hand.
_____"You know I'll always love you right"?
_____Catching me a little of guard I hesitated to answer. But I immediately remembered not to do or say anything that might piss her off so I answered her.
_____"Yes I know".
_____ Just as I continue to reach for the door Ty said,
_____ "I'll get the door for you, sit tight and rest a little".
_____ Before I could say another word Ty was out of her side of the truck and around to my passenger door. She reached for my hand and walked me to the front door of the house. She helped me inside and up the stairs to our bedroom where she gave me some time to be alone. She said that she had some errands to run and that she would be out for a while. She kissed me on the forehead and was back out the door before I knew it. I sat there on the side of our king-size waterbed and began to cry uncontrollably. I couldn't believe what was happening to us. I couldn't believe that we were going through this. I decided not to think about it and try to get some sleep after a nice warm bath. After a long soak in the relaxation of the hot soapy water I emerged feeling somewhat better and ready for some rest.
_____"Ring..ring"
_____ The phone rang and I walk over to answer it.
_____"Hello".
_____ "Hi Jainella, is everything okay"?
_____"Kayla"?
_____"Yeah it's me baby girl… I was just calling to check on you & to make sure everything was okay".
_____ "Yeah everything is okay, I'm just tired is all".
_____"Where is Ty, I didn't see her truck out front when I pulled up".
_____"It's okay Kayla. She'll be out for a while, so I can get some rest. But she should be home in a few".
_____"Are you sure you going to be all right"?
_____"Yeah I'm going to be okay".
_____ "All right baby. I'm gonna let you get some rest and I'll check back in with you tomorrow okay"?
_____"Okay K. Thanks I really appreciate you, I really do".
_____"No doubt Jai, you know I'm always here for you. I holla at you tomorrow".
_____And with that Kayla was gone.
_____When I awoke the next morning I could see the glare of the new days sunlight shining through the bedroom window. I rose briefly before I noticed Ty was lying next to me. For a mere moment I was pleased that she was there. But then my thoughts reverted back to yesterday and I was immediately engulfed in grief for the loss of our relationship. She must have felt me shifting amongst the sheets for within an instant she was awake too. I tried to hide the fact that I was awake from her. I didn't want to face the thought of what today would be like with her next to me. I knew that this day would be different for we were not who we use to be. We had become something else all together and I wasn't ready to face our newfound reality. But I was too late for you already knew I was awake by the dampness from the pillow case cause by the tears I had cried just moments before. But you quickly dismissed them and began to move your hand over my thigh and across the silk fabric of my underwear. I couldn't believe that this was happening. After all that had happened with us yesterday that you would have the audacity to touch me like nothing ever happened & without so much of a word. To nervous to say anything to you just yet, I laid there still praying that you would feel my tension and stop on your own. But you didn't. Instead you continued as if I wasn't there. It's like you didn't even notice that my soul was gone. Nervous and shaken I let you continue. One hand began to stroke my hair as the other continued it's venture down and eventually through my panties. You mumbled against my ear your aching desire to turn me out and that you were becoming increasingly wet from every inch of my skin you caressed. But I was too nervous to be the least bit aroused and you barely seemed to care. I had to stop this, but how could I do it without pissing you off and possibly making you snap. But I was in so much pain. Although I loved you greatly, I wasn't ready for this. Not now not yet. We needed to talk.
_____"You know I love you so much Ty."
_____ I said attempting to break the ice a little. But it was as if you didn't care to hear me & instead you persisted with your own desire leaving mine to fall away by the waste side.
_____"Ty stop! I can't…I can't do this. Please stop!"
_____"Stop? "Come on Jai you know you want it…let me give you what you want every morning, I promise I wont hurt you baby just let me….."
_____"But that's just it Ty, this isn't every other morning this is different".
_____"Different? "What's so different"?
_____For a brief moment you stopped fondling me giving me the few minutes I needed to get up and move across the room. Your temper was flaring and my heart began to race.
_____ "Everything is different Ty can't you see that? Look at my face… look at our relationship can't you see what's happening to us, don't you even care"?
_____ "Nothings happening that's the fuckin' problem! You sitting here trying to be all stuck up and shit.like you ain't down with given a bitch some pussy in the morning!"
_____"Oh my God Ty, what is happening to you…why are you acting like this….why ?"
_____Before I knew it I had felt my head slam into the hard drywall surface just inches away from the huge picture window in corner of our room. My mind was spinning. I had begun to fall slowly to floor. But just before I reached it you grabbed my face and my arms fighting hard to hold me up.
_____"I love you Jainella…I love you, I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean it…. Jai say something".
_____"I have to…. I have to…to call Kayla".
_____"You have to call who? You have to call Kayla. What the hell do you think Kayla is going to do for you? "That bitch doesn't even want you…if she wanted you then why the fuck was she was messin' with some other bitch on your birthday"?
_____I didn't argue back instead I just lay there limp in the grip of her strong arms.
_____ "I love you…Jai and I refuse to let you go".
_____"Please, Ty why are you doing this to us. Why"?
_____You decided not to answer and instead you just left me on the floor just as you had the day before.
_____Unlike yesterday I felt more determined to get up, I couldn't just lie there helpless anymore. I had to get out. I had to at least try to make a run for the front door while you where in the bathroom cleaning up from your earlier excitement.
_____ "Your almost there Jainella" I reminded myself
_____ But I knew it wouldn't take you long to finish up and notice that I was no longer lying on the floor where you had left me. Like a slave moments to the safety of freedom I reached for the handle of the mahogany and crape colored door. The smell of the wild roses and the glow of the morning sunlight greeted me as opened the door and grabbed my keys. But this morning you finished faster than usual or either I was just a bit to slow from the painful memories of yesterday. You were on my ass and you were desperately trying to pull me back into the house. I let out an enormous cry for my ribs hurt so badly from all the pressure you were applying to my body. Just as you were sure to conquer me, Kayla's Hum-V pulled up in her driveway.
_____All I had to do was scream loud enough and Kayla would hear me is all I kept telling myself but the screams never came. I was in so much pain that all that came out was an abundance of tears. I was petrified; Ty had turned into a monster. She was on edge. She was just too strong for me to hold on. I was almost completely inside the house. Just then I knew that if didn't scream I might not make it out this time alive…I had to do something. It was now or never. Never was not an option. I shouted with all my might
_____"K A Y L A….K A Y L A"!
_____Ty tried to muffle my screams by holding her hand over my mouth but at that moment I feared for my very life. I didn't know this woman standing over me, man handling me, abusing me. I had to get out. With one of my free hands I grabbed her hair which in turn caused her to scream even louder than I had before. The sound of Ty's screams got Kayla's attention and before I knew it she was there. Kayla threw Ty off of me and tried to help me to my feet. But like I said Ty was no slouch and she was definitely on fire for real now. There was no way I could stop this. They had put this off for years and this was going to happen. Ty got up from off the banister where Kayla had thrown her. And then I knew it was on.
_____Ty came rushing at us knocking both Kayla and I to the ground.
_____"Come on bitch you wanna be a fuckin' hero nigga be one now! Pick you mutha fuckin' ass up" Ty shouted directly over Kayla.
_____ But that was a big mistake on her part. Kayla swept Ty directly off her damn feet but she didn't stop there. When Kayla got fired up she was no laughing matter. She studied all that martial arts shit on top of regular street boxing, I knew Ty was in for it. Kayla straddled Ty's chest and began punching and slapping her relentlessly in her face. Ty tried to fight back but Kayla was much to strong for her. In between blows Ty pleaded with me to help her get Kayla off of her. I begged for Kayla to stop. Ty had enough but Kayla wasn't done. She wanted Ty to bleed and bleed hard. She wanted her to feel all the hurt and pain that she had caused her in her life and all the pain that she had caused me. She wanted her to pay for being the reason that we were apart and that she and I were together. She wanted for Ty to suffer. But I couldn't have that for I cared deeply for both of them. I had to try to break this up before the police arrived. I managed to walk over to them and lightly grab Kayla by the shoulder so that she knew that I was on her side but just hard enough to get her attention that enough was enough. Kayla was an intelligent woman she knew that she would kill Ty if she didn't stop soon. She got up and left Ty bleeding in the middle of the front lawn. It wasn't concrete but it was just as Kayla had promised her the day before in the hospital parking lot.
_____Perhaps the worst experience of my life was finally over and I could begin to look forward to a better day. So what exactly happen with Kayla and I after that fateful day in the middle of the lawn you might wonder. Well we remained very close. After the fight between her and Ty, we went back to Kayla's house. Another one of our neighbor's called the paramedics for Ty and she spent the next few days in the hospital with no fatal injuries. Ty tried to come by a few times but to no avail. I decided that it was in my best interest to wish her the best and leave her crazy ass alone once and for all. She respected that & moved out of our house a few weeks later. Now back to Kayla and I. Well like I said we were close. And she was my first true love. So what do you think happen? You know! Once I was mentally, physically, & emotionally healed, we talked and eventually got back together. Kayla helped me to learn a few lessons of my own. She taught me that it was okay to love whole heartily as long as I didn't forget to love myself. She showed me that I didn't have to trade myself for someone else's happiness. That I to, was somebody who deserved love and respect. And from time to time she continues to remind me that a little "patience" can go a long way. But then she smiles with those dimples of hers and adds,
_____"That's why I have you".
_____It's been seventeen years now and we are still together. Physical & emotional abuse are no longer apart of my life. For when it's real love, it's never an option.
The End
Copyright © 2003. Used by permission of author. All Rights Reserved.
